Honey on my Mind

Today I’ve been having the strangest experience of merging completely out of individuation. There is absolutely no apparent concept of division (even writing it is ridiculous because in actuality I can see that I’m not even here – so concept of what, where?), but yet at the same time I’m completely self-aware. It’s exactly as I suspected, that self-awareness is key to dissolving all else so that all becomes Self. Yet Self is nothing, it’s just an imagined stage play. An inward projection in the mind’s eye of the Infinite. I can see through the Infinite’s eyes, and it’s crystal clear that the entire thing is purely for amusement. Bizarre flashes of imagery have taken me since yesterday to figure out – what seems like memories of things that are far too big to be mine (individuation). But also it’s not a memory, it’s actually a dream. What it is is the awareness of the old dream of the Infinite (now awakened). My pineal has begun to secrete a higher hormone that I have never experienced before and that actually tastes like honey at the back of my palate.

Introducing Myself

I realised I have never really done this, so perhaps now would be a good time.

Hello my name is Ciara.

I am a being of love and I have come to Earth with the sole purpose of radically shaking things up. I am a Nagual being, which means that I have a specific type of energy and makeup that contains different components to most, and therefore gives me specific functions which are the primary functions that I operate with as a being here on the Earth. Among these functions are vast amounts of energy, which I use very successfully for things such as accessing insight, working on various different levels of existence simultaneously, and making rapid advancements in consciousness at warp speed.

As a result of these things, I have lived my life moving very quickly from one thing to the next and from one place, one group of people, and one task to the next, never really pausing for too long. It has left me with very few personal connections, but an extremely wide wide of connections with whom I have briefly interacted, and very little establishment in any particular place. Despite this, I have profoundly deep roots that stretch right into the core of myself, and with this it doesn’t really matter if I never stand still for more than a second.

I was born fully conscious of myself and as a young child experienced much of my life out of body, as I struggled to become accustomed to the unfamiliar territory of such a dense plane of existence and the fact of having a body in the first place, something which was unusual to me. In addition to this, I had extreme sensitivity to almost everything, and the onslaught of chemicals as well as sensory stimulation on the Earth drove me almost to distraction. The only real escape was to live outside the body as much as possible, during which time I interacted primarily with the soul and spirit realms and various other things in between. I formed deep bonds with lifeforms that were invisible to others, and found solace in my relationship with plants and the animals I encountered. Various horrible experiences during early childhood compounded my resistance to engaging with physicality, and so spirituality and all it entails became by primary focus. At age 6 I made a life-altering move with my family from London to a small village in Ireland, which was totally unprepared for the likes of me.

Like most I through the regular school system, which found it very difficult to cope with my particular way of being, which included for me highly active skills of multi-level and multi-sensory perception that have been fully functioning since I was born, that made it almost impossible to engage with the basic level of experience that the school system required. Some might call these “psychic abilities”, but that really does not give any kind of explanation as to what they actually are. Due to my ability to “see, hear and feel things that aren’t there”, I was eventually at age 14 entered into the world of child psychiatry in an attempt to figure out “what was wrong with me” which eventually led to a diagnose with the common learning disorder ADHD and subsequent high dosage medication with the amphetamine drug Ritalin. In addition to this, I was given other diagnoses including Scotopic Sensitivity Syndrome (extreme sensitivity to light), Sensory Integrative Disorder, mild Dyspraxia, and so forth. What these did was basically put me in a box of “you’re broken, but at least now we understand you”.

When I came off Ritalin at age 18, without my doctor’s permission, I was a very damaged young person. I can honestly say that this drug causes a significant amount of damage to the neurology of the brain and body, as well as psychological damage due to the fact that it distorts one’s perception of reality (it is an amphetamine, after all). As I was already spiritually inclined, this drug opened me up to experience some very unpleasant things within the astral realms, in much the same was as mild psychedelic would for an unprepared child, and acted as a gateway into a world which it probably would have been better for me not to go into. At age 17 I had fled from my childhood town as soon as I could and went straight into college, believing that this was the only way for me to have a chance at a normal life, only to find that I could cope no better there than I had in school, and dropped out without even completing the first year. I took up a job in a call centre just to get by, and sunk rapidly into a deep depression. At 17 I had ended up in an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship which I escaped just before it became physical, and found myself alone with no friends or connections in Ireland’s capital city Dublin two years later, after 4 home moves and a request for my job to transfer me to the city so that I could escape further from where I had been thinking that it was a physical process that was needed. In the 6 years since I have moved home a further 13 times. Faced with the prospect that something had to be flipped entirely on its head – I booked a three week trip to Canada prepared to leave everything I had ever known behind and come back a new person. True to my intention, this catalysed the beginning of the complete breakdown of everything that I had previously believed about myself. My heart began to crack back open into the childlike innocence and happiness I had lost, and I saw shimmers of light shining through.

On my return to Ireland, I moved back to the town where I had first gone to college. A rapid process of change unfolded, which began with meeting somebody who would form a very imporant part of my life and my healing process for several years, and who stood by my side while I went through a complete breakdown of all that had gone before. Following the obvious magical granting of my previous request, my faith in something more was restored, and I prayed every day for more answers to be revealed. To my astonishment, it wasn’t long before I found myself passing a window poster that showed a very surprising course available in my town to which I was able to apply, knowing immediately I would be accepted. It was a course on holistic health, and though I only stayed for one year, it was enough to push me headlong into the several years that came next. During the duration of that year I received attunements into the healing modality of reiki and although the actual practice was never for me, the energy that was pulsed through me in that time was almost the entirety of what it seems I was enrolled on the course for. It began a cleansing process so intense that for an entire 3 week period I was suicidal, but yet I knew on a very deep level what was going on. In those 3 weeks, which were the 3 weeks in the run up to my 21st birthday, I recapitulated an entire 7 years worth of previous experience. By several weeks after my 21st birthday, I was in a state of permanent bliss, with an absolute knowingness I was on a mission. I had no idea what the mission was, but I KNEW. I was ready.

Little did I know, the largest bulk of the mission for the next 5 years was going to be the complete uncovering of everything else about my past that I had actually forgotten, and I’m talking all of the lifetimes. The whole lot. I needed to remember everything, and to find out who exactly I really was. On top of that, I needed to heal the pain and trauma of the ages, and I needed to do this on a massive scale.

Shortly after my course ended it was decided that I would move yet again, this time to Brighton, England. No sooner had I arrived there than I knew I was on the first leg of the biggest initiation yet. I cannot even begin to describe what has unfolded since then, but I will try just a little bit. I went to Brighton thinking “Great, this is my place. Now I can settle”. But that was not to be the case. I was pushed through initiation after initiation, never being allowed to stop and even really make friends or put down roots. In Brighton I met more old soul connections than I can count on all my digits, and some of them showed me in glaring detail exactly the nature of the pains that had haunted me for aeons, and caused the exact same experiences in this lifetime to repeat themselves so I could get the insights. Those who showed me my beauty I was never allowed to become close to. As always, I was to do the work, and then keep moving. Once again, after two years, I found myself completely isolated and living alone. I knew at that point I had no option but to be myself in my entirety, and I flung myself completely into the arms of God and gave myself up. It was clear I was meant to be standing alone, not in aloneness because we are never alone, but as a solitary being. I did not belong to any spiritual group, I did not belong to any tribe or community, I belonged to the Infinite, and my home was wherever I was standing. After a terrible period of intense loneliness, not yet aware of my nature as the door of everything, there suddenly came a deep knowing that I must return to Ireland for some purpose, and through a series of events that presented themselves allowing that to happen, here I am.

On my final return to Ireland, it was made immediately clear that I am my own best friend, and my job is not to live a normal life as others describe it. I must follow without fear every step I was directed by God to take, and this I have done. It has taken me on the most incredible journey, which included an entire year of withdrawal from interaction, an indescribable battle with the false God of the tyrannical spirit, a meeting with the devil himself, and several more moves to various locations around the country which eventually led me to…me. Ah yes, it turns out that I am all things. Finally I have arrived at the stop I am standing in now – ready to actually introduce myself to the world. My strong suit is in spirituality, and my experience is what I want to share with you. Let this be the start.

You can find me on my main website here –
http://www.whitecloudwarriors.com

On my blog here –
http://www.captainexcellent.com

And on my secondary blogs here and here –
http://sossaveourselves.wordpress.com
http://ascensionsuite101.com

The Healing Power of Relationship

I can honestly say that I would not be in the position I am in today were it not for the help of the beautiful and gentle-hearted men who have come into my world, and I want to thank every single one of them.

Not all of these have been romantic partners, but all have touched me deeply and left a lasting impact on the landscape of my life. For any of you who read this, you know who you are, and I honour you.

It is true that relationship can be that which inflicts wounds or that which heals them, and I have been indescribably lucky with some of the relationships that have crossed my path. I have always said that when we love ourselves enough, somebody who equally matches and mirrors that love will appear before us. When we achieve enough of an inner balance that we no longer need to see the reflection of our dysfunction but instead the expression of our potential manifested, the universe must deliver our heart’s desires. That has happened for me now at least in certain areas, proof that this understanding is indeed true, and I couldn’t be more joyful.

Loving ourselves completely means refusing to settle for less than what we know we can potentially experience and achieve. It means never settling for less than exactly the dreams that we dream of, and never accepting that we are limited despite whatever distorted vision our
world may seem to show us. It means being brave enough to say no, and to say yes, according to our highest inspiration in any moment. Saying yes to life is the prerequisite to drawing towards us the kind of relationships that we really want to have, and saying yes to our whole selves is the key to attracting others who can embrace our whole selves too.

Throughout my years of searching, few have understood the desire to find somebody with whom I could go so deep as to be able to find myself in their eyes and to have that feeling reciprocated. But yet, I feel that this is a desire in the heart’s of almost everyone, it may simply be the case that we have not gone deeply enough into our own hearts to find it there. We may not have looked deeply enough into our own eyes to be comfortable with this kind of intensity, and we must do that first before we are ready to meet others with whom we can share these privileges of mutual unfoldment. How can we expect to handle what we really want in terms of our romantic partners, until we can handle the depth and intensity of ourselves? Only having done this first, have my dreams become apparent. We cannot find the match of ourselves until we know what we ourselves are, and that is a metaphysical concept that applies in the most basic of ways in our daily lives down to the tiniest detail. By coming home to ourselves, we find the natural extension of our home within our world.

There are many things that evolved relationship can do for us, and one of them is to show us wounds within ourselves that we would otherwise never realise are there. It takes somebody to look that deeply into us to unearth all of the little quirks and kinks in the corners that we may have missed by ourselves, and I genuinely feel that we cannot go this process alone. Regarding healing, often people get annoyed when I “go on about” the issues of childhood abuse and sexual trauma, but I’m not going to let up on it until there is not a single person left on the planet who feels unheard with regards to something that been a reality for so long. The problem is not over, and the healing is far from over either when we are only beginning to understand the
potential that this kind of relationship brings.

Just as racism is still a problem, the fact that the tide is turning is not a call for those who have been affected by it and are still hurting just to pretend it didn’t happen. There is work yet to be
done. I don’t want to make this a post about that, but I do want to highlight that it is through loving relationships based in oneness that we can heal all of these things and more. From the starting point of knowing our oneness, we can draw all of life in every single area into the living expression of that reality with us.

Relationship is such an important tool for us to navigate the peaceful reality that we are entering into, but we need to know how to navigate our relationships masterfully. It is not enough to wound others due to our lack of awareness and then to withdraw our attention because we can’t handle the mess we have created or can’t seem to get along. Relationships are our holy temples of initiation and we need to treat them accordingly in order to be able to access the divinity that is inherent in our partners through life’s myriad of experiences be they lovers, mothers, sisters, brothers, colleagues, clients or friends.

The understanding of this is fundamental to the peaceful navigation of our future, and this will form a primary focus for me for at least the foreseeable period going forward.

Through relationship in oneness we have the potential to explore the reality completely transcending dualistic experience, where there are not two but one, standing side by side. The power of love blesses us, but often love is not what we think it to be. Often what we think of as love is just attachment, or dysfunction that tells us we cannot be whole without another and seeking parts of our own being in the illusion of external mirrors. I will speak a great deal more about this later, but for now let us say that in order to find the ones our hearts so thoroughly yearn to be with, we must first find within us the keys that are needed to pivot the curve of our own destiny in the direction of our highest vision. Only then will life deliver.

Take a look around, how many sacred relationships do we already have before us?

A Very Personal Entry

Last night I had one of the most profound healing experiences of my life.

With conscious intention throughout a sleepless night, that eventually drifted into feverish and highly disturbed half-sleep, I managed to isolate the core memory of my childhood that has been at the root of all dysfunction in my adult relationships and professional career.

It was the memory of having been cornered in my own bedroom by a man who climbed in my unlocked suburbian ground floor window during the night, and being so choked with fear that despite my best efforts I was unable to scream for help. I could feel family in another room but realised in a moment of utter helplessness that they weren’t coming for me, and that nobody could protect me from what I now knew to be an extremely dangerous world. This was when I was 4 years old.

This one incident developed into an utter terror of “being exposed” to the world without “protection”, that caused me to seek out relationships with dysfunctional men who would want to “take care of me” and thereby keep other men away. I desperately wanted somebody to claim me, so that no one else could. The reasoning of my psyche was that if somebody representing a fatherly role was there by my side, I would be safe.

This incident has single handedly prevented me from actually standing up to be counted as a spiritual teacher, for fear that if I was suddenly visible to the world “something might get me”. Of course this fear has been buried so deep that I couldn’t find it, despite knowing that it was there. It has taken me almost 3 years of conscious direction towards the healing of specifically this to finally get it.

There are several things that I want to say about it.

First of all, it has been obvious to me for some time that light and dark are two sides of the same coin. This man and all others like him are simply a part of my own being, and the reason that this occured is because of the old cosmic law that opposites attract. This law no longer applies. Since the cosmic pole shift in 2007, like attracts like, and so we can be absolutely certain that all of the love and support we need is right on our laps should we choose to open up to it.

However, despite knowing the obvious, without actually confronting the root fear it was impossible to overcome it. I have been aiming towards this for years, but it is only now that I actually have the strength to have been able to relive it as I did last night without reacting with fear. Instead, I responded to the experience with total faith in the Infinite and the plan for my life. Finally, I was able in motion to generate gratitude for this experience and the hidden gift it has brought, while simultaneously perceiving the whole thing again from an objective perspective.

The recapitulation of my childhood is complete – I can now move ahead without fear and having overcome all obstacles. Infinite possibility awaits.

A New Dawn

After the previous night of deep healing last night brought a truly profound dream.

A little boy from my childhood who had been harsh and callous in his manner and represented everything rough to me had out of nowhere developed incredible singing skills.

He plucked up the courage to share this beautiful gift with the world and stood at a window singing out across the fields over the bay. He stood beside a huge telescope representing masculine sciences and other evolving disciplines.

As he sang, the whole environment responded and everything was lifted up. There was a calm silence as even birds stopped to listen, and other men gathered round to hear, in a state of praise.

When he was done, it was announced to the world that his song was glorious, and although he had not won a contest, it didn’t matter one little bit. He bowed out contently, happy is his heart to have shared such jubilation. A new dawn had dawned.

This was a genuinely miraculous dream, and heralds a time of great hope for humanity.