The Soul’s Journey


Image credit: “Soul’s Journey” by Freydoon Rassouli –

A “personal” update on the eternal journey – see my blog at The Blazing Heart Foundation for more informational/instructional posts.

Several years ago, I used to write extensively. The love of writing has been something that has lived strongly in me since very early childhood, and which feels like an inextricably interwoven thread of the tapestry of my soul. I even wrote and published a book of poetry (in late 2013). It documented my journey from one level of life to another, through the ins and outs of travels through vast cosmic dimensions, yet still within the realm of a personal dream. 

The depth and extent of emotional pain I was experiencing at that point was so great that the only way I could survive it was to turn it into something beautiful. I was drowning in grief so engulfing that the only way to breathe was to create poetry of the agony, which allowed me to keep my head above water just long enough to take big gulps of some kind of life-sustaining substance. I feel that this is how the human soul copes in the face of overwhelming tragedy.

This is why writing, song, and imagery that depicts emotional sadness is described as being “beautiful”. Those who can express in this format are hailed as delivering a balm to weary souls. This is because, in the face of the unbearable, finding something beautiful within it is a lifeline that ensures the survival of the spirit. We find such expressions of what is ultimately great suffering to be beautiful, because it reminds us that we too might be beautiful, and of beauty, even in our imperfect and flawed vision of ourselves. It reminds us that hope in a dark world might exist after all. It reminds us that if we can see beauty in the darkest of places, then there is still a chance for our redemption.

At the end of 2014, an unthinkable event occurred in my life. I had a positively and absolutely cataclysmic “falling out” with a sister who I had been very close to. I am not the type of person to “fall out” with anyone, so this was shocking and traumatic to the very depths of my being. In truth, this was a fated parting that signalled the absolute death beyond any possibility for resuscitation of an old way of being whose time had well and truly come.

Following this event, which left me shattered for almost two whole years, my ability to write was all but dissolved completely. I did not know it at the time, but what was actually underway was a process of completely and totally altering the way in which I expressed myself, and the place that it was coming from. Though it was not something I knowingly chose to go through, a deeper and even largely conscious part of my being had prayed for emancipation from the illusions that has bound me, and got exactly what it has asked for. Over the course of these two years, as the layers of shock wore off, I came to understand that I had been forcibly extracted from a reality in which I very much did not belong, and which was in fact the reality of separation from the Source of Life in a nutshell.

During the course of this process, something changed in the fundamental nature of how I was able to show up in life creatively.

As I searched for a way to reignite my ability to express as I had done previously, I faced wall after wall of frustration. Moreover, any little shred that I did manage to express felt so profoundly wrong that it hurt. I wrote, and then immediately felt the need to retract what I had said. I began to have the sense that I was trapped in a period of mandatory silence. Slowly but surely it dawned on me why this was… I had developed such power in my ability to articulate great depths of understanding that had the potential to influence others who might also be of great benevolent benefit to humanity, that it was absolutely critical that I not articulate even a single word of illusion! To do so may have had dire consequences. I could no longer live my full potential while holding onto even a single shred of “what was”. It took some time to fully digest, but the challenge I had been gifted was one of immense privilege.

So thoroughly was the destructuring that was underway throughout every hidden crevice of my existence, that to utter a word while in the depths of that process felt like it came with the huge risk of inadvertently crystallizing something that was ultimately not real, and that would surely have fallen away by the next day. Only this year have I come to understand the full implications of why it was so crucial not to do this, and even then I don’t pretend to fully understand beyond even the vaguest glimpse.

All patterns that are of the dream of separation must fall away as we prepare for the inexplicably wondrous journey of entering a reality of limitlessness, something that has never before been possible in the history of cosmic evolution. Every tiny shred of the way in which one might function on a day to day basis has to be gone over with the finest tooth comb imaginable. There is simply no place in a limitless reality for the habitual and programmed mechanisms of personal entrapment that have formed as scar tissue over our past misperceptions. Should the process of dissolution of the old be resisted, it will surely be forced upon us through unpleasant means. The most sensible approach in these rapidly changing times is to co-operate fully and in utmost humility. 

The key to our freedom lies in full authentic expression.

To enter a reality of High Magic, the way in which the tiniest thought, word and feeling is articulated by us, in any form, has to be scrutinised in a way exponentially beyond anything that has ever previously been touched on. The Master of High Magic holds in his hands the potential to impact reality on all 8 fields of existence. This is not a possibility that can be taken lightly. The supreme responsibility that comes with this, is such that we will simply not be allowed to hold power of any kind so long as we may use said power, even unknowingly, to cause damage to the delicate and intricately woven fabric of life.

Everywhere I looked at the old forms of expression that I may previously have thought to be “beautiful”, and any expression that I tried to engage in myself, felt like nothing more than the glorification of illusion – it struck in me such a deep repulsion that I plunged into what can only be described as a type of depression, the disillusionment with what had seemed such a familiar landscape was so great and so total. The term “shock” very accurately describes the feeling that dominated the the vast majority of 2015, and well into 2016. Many times during this period I felt sincerely like I couldn’t go on another day, and frequently cried myself to sleep in a state of absolute desperation and despair. Yet still I couldn’t bring myself to pretend even for a moment that either what I had experienced previously, or what I was in the throes of right now, was ultimately “real”. I knew with every fibre of my being that I was in a process of total dissolution of the dream of a separate existence in a divided universe.

During this period of what seemed like enforced silence, only my partner truly knew even a snapshot of the extent of how broken I was feeling, and even then, I fell entirely short of being able to convey accurately what was really troubling me so profoundly. Blessedly, approaching the end of 2016, a new dawn began to burst forth over the horizon, which has launched me and many others whom I believe were experiencing a related process simultaneously into a glorious new era of entirely new interpretation of life.

Now, I feel the undeniable pull that I must reignite the power of the written word to convey the information that I feel so compelled to express, but this time from an utterly different angle. I may no longer speak on the play of illusion, but only on the fluidly unfolding truth of eternally indivisible Oneness with Infinity. The separation of distinct current from Ocean is a fallacy, that while valid, is not what I am here to elucidate. Untruth, dressed even in the prettiest of garments, is not the companion it promises to be.

My soul sings the new song, not of hailing the beauty within tragedy, but of the beauty that lies beyond the dream of tragic eventualities – the dream of the Infinite which is blossoming as the secret and sacred garden of our wildest imaginings. Listen on the wind and you may hear the whispers of its coming, uttered softly in the excited tones of glad anticipation of wondrous things, from the most pristine and innocent core of the hearts of all beings, slumbering or otherwise.

Of course, on the other side of this several year long process, I can once again appreciate why sadness is venerated as beauty by those who are entrenched so much in the depths of it that there is no other option, and through compassionate understanding, know that the way in which I am of most benefit is not to join the masses in their sorrow, but to experience as much joy as is possible to embrace in any given moment. The path of greatest joy is the road that leads to Heaven for all, and it must be paved by those who know how to follow it.


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For the Mystery of You is Beyond Comprehension…


I want to share a huge breakthrough in my life recently, which I feel may be relevant to others too. For some months now I have been experiencing a mysterious draining of energy in general interaction among those of a resonant level of consciousness. Although this initially made me feel like withdrawing from interaction, I knew this was not the correct approach, and that what it was pointing to was something needing refining in myself. In order to get to the bottom of this, I have spent a period in temporary withdrawal from interaction as much as possible, to really try to get clarity on what life is pushing me to embody at this point on the journey.

What I realised was the following:

If there is truly only One Being in existence (which becomes very clear in resurrection as inner and outer realities merge), and if one is to live this highest truth for the purpose of enhancing all of life, then what that entails is the total and complete relinquishing of the illusion of “other” in every tiny little area of ordinary everyday life where it could possibly linger. Our relationships are the primary training ground for this, as this is the area where it is most easy to slip back into forgetting that there is only the Self, and it is the Self that we encounter directly in all things. In essence, that the game of relationship is a happy illusion.

For me, the patterns that have remained as residue from seeming aeons spent in a divided cosmos have been the desire to share or have a “shared experience”, the desire to belong (which is similar to the desire to have a shared experience), and the desire to be understood. All of these are patterns which bind one to illusion, and all them are thus draining to oneself, and so need to be shed at a certain point on the journey when we are ready to make the large evolutionary leap completely beyond the dream of separation.

The last area that this has had to be shed for me, and which I have held onto for dear life, is in interaction with those who I am closest to and who I consider to be my “spiritual peers” – those on a similar level with whom sharing and relating to has seemed completely natural, and with whom I have finally felt that I “belonged”. I have noticed over recent months, the self-effacing pattern of clinging to the illusion of belonging, in favour of being and expressing my fullness of unique, individual self, lest in doing so I may suddenly no longer be welcome among those who have accepted me in compensation. This is, of course, insane… when there is only me…

In truth, as we are all things and all things are within us, there is no need to explain, to “share”, or any such thing – there is only to live the highest truth of the moment in absolute all-inclusiveness of Being, which pivots all of life at once, and all changes – without any further action required. “Others” will spontaneously access needed insight, understanding that is required  by all for evolution will spontaneously be gained, and all of life will change. That is the truth of how powerful we are.

This is of course unless there is the genuine inspiration to explain or share, which is completely different to a need, and may arise spontaneously from seemingly nowhere and with no seeming reason… Inspiration, as it arises, is drawing potential directly from the Unknowable mystery of Infinite possibilities. 

The above powerful self-government of our environment doesn’t work in the same way if we try to maintain the illusion of an individual “small self” and “other”, but it does work if we embrace every tiny detail of our environment within the compassionate recognition of all as Self (larger self that is beyond personal identity). This perspective is no small feat to achieve (pun intended), but is our route to absolute liberation from any sense that we could possibly be subject to the tyranny of anything outside of ourselves – and that is the ultimate freedom.

That person in our environment who appears to be set in a certain way? That area that has remained in a fixed pattern for possibly decades? The moment we change in such an all-inclusive embrace of all of it as being us (larger Self), it or they must change too. Or if it is not to change, it must leave our reality. And if leaves our reality, it does not exist within the unique cosmos that we solely inhabit, and thus is of no concern to us.

A practical example of this would be as follows:

Let’s say we are working hard in our life to erase a particular pattern that we have exhibited for many years. This pattern might affect many areas of our life, for example, social interaction, work, close relationships, self-image… The very moment that we change that pattern in all-inclusive embrace of our environment as Self, it no longer exists in reality (our reality)!

If for example, however, we were then to try and go to explain to somebody (eg. a friend or partner) why we previously acted a certain way or had a certain pattern in place, we recreate it again. We put ourselves back into the illusion of a separated reality wherein there are “others”, and we leak the power we have just gained in releasing a stuck area of latent potential, causing ourselves to spiral backwards in awareness due to the loss of energy (energy and awareness equate).

This is because the moment we change, the past no longer exists. We change everything in the present, and with that, our future also changes (despite what the previous moment might have looked like). Imagine that something that may have been a feature in our lives for maybe decades suddenly no longer exists! Others will also no longer remember it existed, because within the fabric of life we have just erased it. That is how powerful we truly are. It is vital that we do not try to explain away our highest perception, instead, we must trust that as we remove illusion in ourselves, it no longer exists in cosmic life.

The paradoxical truth is that we each uniquely embody our own reality, yet all of this is the Self… We are never truly alone as we contain all things, yet we can never truly share the utterly unique perspective of another. At most, we can glimpse through their eyes a snapshot of eternity, and in that moment, our “shared” experience is one of our shared divinity. Such an experience is the greatest treasure, and can only be grasped when we are utterly ourselves unapologetically, unmasked, nakedly, and in our nakedness, utterly prepared to be seen…mutually.

For the mystery of you cannot be comprehended, don’t try to explain it away to anyone… You are an unfathomable, incomparable Being of Eternity.



Breaking the Chain of Generational Wounding


“If Wishes Were Horses” by Neighya –

The last several years of my life have been largely dominated by trying to comprehend how exactly I might explain the large context for what I have to offer to the world, without stepping out of integrity, or getting trapped in any one area that could form an identity or a worldview, either for myself or for others.

This series of blogs is my attempt to begin that explanation, with the hope that it will eventually form a cohesive blueprint for how I move forward in the area of life that deals with relationship to others and humanity at large.

To preface, my journey over this lifetime in a nutshell has been one of “coming in” to a very desperate and limiting situation, in order that I might find my way through that and develop a roadmap for liberation that I could share with everyone, while walking myself free from age-old illusion at the same time. There has been nothing of being a victim of anything or anyone, as there never is, regardless of the situation – merely a co-created journey of great discovery, and privileged one at that. My approach to everything I have experienced has been one of “how can I discover the eternal truth hidden within this?”, and that is what has led me to where I am now.

I have noticed, over the last year, a large “theme” reveal itself, which appears to convey that my contribution to humanity is in the area of restoring visibility of the True Feminine in all its many facets, and in doing so peeling back the illusion that there was ever anything else. Many of us, men especially, carry deep-seated fear around the feminine, as it has for many ages been associated with manipulation, deception and quite frankly insanity. All of that is about to change on the planet. My interest here has been to slough-off the heavy cloak of ages gone by where illusion was still present, in order to prepare for the advent of a  new world that is entirely different from what we have known. Furthermore, to not only participate as it unfolds but to actually play a part in bringing it about. Because of having walked this journey myself, it is of total apparency that this is coming despite all surfaces appearances to the contrary. I have total assurance of this – I can see it.

Of primary importance in the unfolding of this new world is the way that we relate first and foremost to our own inner children, and following from that, how this translates to our relationship with children of the world. It is fundamentally important that we heal ourselves in order to enable future generations to rise from the ashes of the crumbling worldly structures and fly like the eagles they are destined to be. It should not be the case that any child in the future needs to heal themselves from what they experienced as children, and what will enable this to be the case is for adults of the current generation to deal thoroughly with their own wounding, until it is no more.

(To preface this next section, the below might seem like a very extreme reaction, but in my particular case we are talking about a situation whereby very severe abuse was present, which I will elaborate on at a later date. Therefore it may only be applicable in the definitive sense for others who have been or are still experiencing a similar scenario, whereas alternative solutions may be possible in other cases.)

Five years ago I sat down with my mother to have a serious conversation that I knew with every fibre of my being would change the course of my life, depending on how it went. I implored her with my last hope and explained that if things didn’t change she wouldn’t be meeting her grandchildren. Her response in heart-shattering coldness was, “I don’t care.” That was the breaking point for me, and the beginning of the grieving process for the seeming loss of what I had wanted most and would never have in the way that I had thought. It took me another three years to actually leave successfully (following two failed attempts), but I finally managed it with my head held high and full confidence that I would never need to look back, in May 2014. Immediately following that, having arrived at my new destination, I left the matrix of individuated life for the first time.

To explain, this was possible because I didn’t just leave a toxic familial relationship in the linear sense, but I left the illusion that it is possible to be separated from the True Mother – the real Divine Feminine that permeates all of life, but that is not visible to us through the overlays of distorted emotion and perception that we keep in place through binding beliefs.

There is nothing in the world that it harder than grieving for somebody who is still alive. Partly because it is just something that nobody can understand; unless they are in that position themselves, and partly because there is absolutely no support. It is just not a widely recognised phenomenon in society. This is the journey I have been on silently for the last five years, and it is now time to break that silence and step out into the full light of my purpose, regardless of how it might impact others. Thankfully, I am no longer experiencing this grief – I have passed a threshhold where I have stepped beyond it, all that remains now is to continue to allow all that doesn’t belong to be shed with grace.

One of the most limiting belief systems that is widespread among humanity at large is that we are bound in some way to our blood relatives, our ancestral heritage or lineage. The illusion of blood ties (I will elaborate later on how this is related to black magic that many are unknowingly practicing). The keyword here is lineage, which tells us that we’re talking about a linear track that will inevitably keep us circling around and around through our family’s karmic experience. It’s not until somebody comes along and finally shatters this illusion that it releases the whole line, ironically. The tyranny of ancestry is that we are unconsciously programmed to take on the karma that was never solved by those before us, across the three levels of body, soul and spirit, which make up the construct of the large linear matrix.

This is obvious in incidences such as where there is the belief of “hereditary” disease in the family – one person has arthritis, and therefore others do, or one person has diabetes or heart disease, and so others are pre-disposed to the same, and so on. This happens only because we believe in the illusion of genetics, when the truth is that our cellular makeup (and thus our DNA) is responsive to intent. It’s simply the case that nobody bothers to question the programming that has been stored down the line of familial heritage (and thus unconsciously taken up by anyone who feels psychically connected to the line, for whatever reason), and nobody bothers to intend something different for themselves.

Out of interest, I did suffer from arthritis as a child, until I realised the utter bullshit of “it runs in the family” and threw off the mantle that wasn’t mine to carry.

In my estimation, partly the reason we stay in the realm of this programming is because we deeply fear rejection by what has been the most fundamental tribe – the family structure, which was relied upon for safety and well-being during childhood. The idea of rejection, however unconscious, feels like it might equate with a sort of death, and this is potentially true from the perspective of the isolated child. However, the child only remains isolated so long as we keep it as an external, rather than taking it deep within and holding it from the core and depths of being for ourselves. Deeply internalised, it becomes the case that the inner child is surrounded by its own inner family, who provide the nurturing and support required to navigate the way out of binding matrices without the crippling sense of relying upon the approval of outdated and outmoded structures in order to survive. This is not to say of course that family isn’t valuable, but rather that we can build family to mean what we deeply want it to mean for us, without taking on board the nonsense that it really shouldn’t mean. As adults, we have the privileged option to educate ourselves about the dynamics of how these beliefs have imprisoned us, and move from a position of having our inner child at the mercy of others; to nurturing its ongoing presence from within: essentially becoming the functional family unit unto ourselves. It is at this point that we can build family anew. More will be discussed on this later, but suffice to say that without the dynamic geometry of an evolved inner structure, our lives are entirely controllable by the agendas of the world.

In my life, I made the choice that I would no longer suffer the repressed pain of my outer family (granted that my particular family dynamics were an extreme case), and further; that I absolutely refused to pass this onto my own children either directly via myself or indirectly via exposure to others. This to me feels like a supreme responsibility of my generation, yet nevertheless a very personal choice. At the very least education is necessary so that our children do not fall into the same patterns of delusional loyalty to dysfunction that many of us have agreed to, knowingly or otherwise.

Regarding repressed pain, I have seen that those who are deeply hurting are capable of unthinkable callousness, the iciness of frozen, unprocessed emotion compounding all human sentiment and chilling it to the bone. It could be said that some people are unfeeling, and this is true, yet there is more to this than it seems (speaking of those with capacity for feeling, ie. any being with a soul). They are unfeeling not because of an inherent badness or lack of capacity, but because they are unable to face the depths of their own agony, and so freeze over like a lake in perpetual winter as a survival mechanism, in this way essentially mimicking a soulless being. There is nothing that can be done to save these people, painful as that may be to recognise, unless or until they are willing to save themselves. In terms of integrity and impeccable use of power it is important to refrain from wasting energy in this area, and this is a primary challenge that many light workers struggle with, but that needs to be mastered in order to actually play a larger role in healing the world.

This wounding in its essence, whether in ourselves or others, is the repressed feminine, that part which each of us needs to come to terms with in our own journeys, internally, in order to heal it in our larger world. Only then will it disappear as a widespread phenomenon – that same phenomenon that is responsible for a myriad of atrocities. It’s clear how we cannot expect anything to change until we are prepared to embrace what hurts the most inside us. 

On my journey as a being, and fundamentally as a woman, I have been acutely aware since my early twenties of the crucial need to ensure that generations to come do not inherit these same self-destructive patterns. It is now a matter of survival for the human species. It is crucial that the generation of my age and younger, and perhaps slightly older, who have capacity to do so, take up the mantle of being the pattern breakers either before such a time as we meet face to face with our own children, or as we grow with them (for those who have already embraced parenthood). This I feel is the role of my generation. It is crucial that we heal ourselves first and foremost, and ruthlessly eliminate all that is destructive in our lives, regardless of the label that it might come with – that our children might be born into their power as an unquestionable birthright. It is these children who will rebuild the structure of our society from new fabric, after the old has been razed down. And razed down it must be.

In the old cosmos, individuation was through sustained tension. The scenario that I experienced was very carefully selected in order to enable that, as it was for all of us who experienced pain, and simply became an obsolete coping mechanism at a certain point. I want to reiterate the no. 1 thing that can be taken from any of this, if nothing else, and that is that absolutely nothing is personal. One thing I have learned as an over-arching theme on my journey over many ages is that we are always, no exceptions, dealing with the impersonal, transpersonal even, archetypal nature of life in its largest sense unfolding through our unique experience. The key is just to find that and internalise it – this is the essence of the discipline of metaphysics, which is by far one of my greatest passions. The metaphysical simply thrills me!


Work With Me – Ciara offers private coaching and healing sessions. Find out more at

Hello, Saturn


Recently I became aware of the astrological phenomenon known as the Saturn Return, which I have just entered into the first event of in my own life in linear terms. I can’t say exactly how I became aware of this except that I felt it, and then somehow, as always happens the written information to back up what I had sensed already simply landed in my lap.

Saturn is said to be the slowest moving planet, taking a full 28-30 years to complete an orbit of the sun whereby it ends up back in the same place in the cosmos where it started, albeit at a higher level of expression. Because of this, it brings with it the qualities and the lessons of perseverance, persistence, patience, discipline, and mastery of time, among many others. It is the ruler of Capricorn and Aquarius, and goes by many other names – “The Great Teacher”, “The Lord of Karma” and “The Great Malefic” being just some.

Come to think of it, I had been told about this phenomenon by somebody several years ago, and had shelved it in the back of my consciousness until such a time as it was directly relevant. I hadn’t, however, shelved the message – that a time of testing would come, and that it was necessary to have things in order to at least to a relative degree beforehand, allowing the essence of this to permeate my subconscious and influence decisions along the way.

I had heard that Saturn’s return can be hellish for an individual if they haven’t exactly been following the path most in alignment with their true purpose, yet on the contrary; if the opposite is the case, it can be a time of tremendous opportunity to crystalise previously-made wise choices into a more tangible materialised reality for the foreseeable future. The latter is definitely the case for me. This period, while coloured by a rather uncomfortable pressure to do something, is providing the impetus to thoroughly establish in a grounded, practical, realistic way in the vision for my life that I have been building towards for many years, aided by the power of this fortuitous ally. Furthermore, my dear old friend Saturn is blessedly highlighting all of the niggling little areas that need to be refined in order to make this landing possible, while ruthlessly shearing away all that needs to die off in the process.

Astrologically, for me the Saturn placement in my chart is in the first house of Self and in the sign of Capricorn. It’s been crystal clear to me for some time what this means in terms of my unique experience (from what I had sensed both consciously and unconciously – though really these are very close together for me), and what this period of the next few years would be likely to present as challenges and opportunities, but it has been of great interest to discover that this is actually “written in the stars”. So long as astrology is not taken literally in terms of it being a binding linear contract, I am certainly discovering that the more lucid mythical translation, mystical even, is of tremendous benefit at the moment. I feel sincerely that these placements were chosen deliberately in order to maximise every conceivable potential to grow exponentially into full self-realsation, and that their highest octaves can be called upon for support.

I believe that Saturn is transiting in general for the collective at the moment, which will be affecting all in some way or another – and thus this is far more an archetypal situation than it is a personal one. Those of us who are attuned to the collective simply feel the personal much more deeply, as we are all too aware of the powerful impact that an individual life can potentially have on the whole of existence.

With the first house of Self and self-expression, and the sign of Capricorn in my personal astrology, the experience of transiting Saturn as it appears to me thus far is bringing me face to face with my deepest fears surrounding self-expression, how I hold myself back and why, and the clear understanding of how this struggle hampers advancement in my vocational career – meaning the path which I know in the marrow of my bones is mine to follow, without any shadow of a doubt, yet simultaneously is the most challenging and difficult route possible. This transit is making it crystal clear that there is no turning back now; no avoiding the inevitable. The only choice is the highest choice to face the seeming challenges of the moment as they arise with exceptional poise.

I have wondered briefly how long I may be able to delay action that I know is required before feeling the impact of this transit heavily, and the answer to that question has made itself known quite abruptly. Two nights this week, I’ve laid awake until 5am unable to sleep with streams of information clamouring to be written pouring through the fibres of my being. It is the “story” of where I’ve come from and how I’ve got to here, the telling of which I’ve known would eventually have to come, there ultimately was no avoiding it. It appears now however that there is no stopping the torrent in the immediate sense, these are the labour pains of my full birthing into embodied  presence and they have started. This is it. It feels like a “now or never” scenario, and so with that said, this is my attempt to simply start somewhere and unclog the flow, ready to patiently wait and see what comes of it…

Regarding challenges surrounding self-expression, I have danced for many years around the sense that it was perhaps inauthentic to “tell the whole tale” (realising I am being very cryptic here), since many aspects of it are no longer relevant to me personally, yet I recognise that it is the whole picture that makes up the totality of what I have to offer to humanity in terms of my tangible contribution to human evolutionary understanding. Therefore, as suggested by the planetary placements chosen to deal with this lifelong “project” of full individuation, the only way to deliver the message effectively is to don a garment that is not only visible but understandable to others – to utilise the tool of a relatable “persona”, yet with my own stamp of total transparency, which I truly don’t think I am capable of deviating from in any case.


Work With Me – Ciara offers private coaching and healing sessions. Find out more at



Stalked by Death


That dark shadow, tempting me to take another step…

For the last six months I have been having a most intense experience that until this morning I hadn’t even told my closest about, not wanting to cause fright. It has gradually dawned on me that I am being stalked by the shadow of death, and there is no escaping the inevitable pivotal moment of our direct meeting. That is not to say that this meeting will happen in any fatal capacity, far from it, but that it is an urgent message to live with such extreme awareness as to recognise that effectively any moment could be my last and to be prepared to face it with glory. I am acutely aware that it is an urgent message to prepare myself for what will be a once in a lifetime opportunity, a moment of testing that if passed through successfully, will represent a doorway into a level of consciousness I have been seeking for ages. There is no time to waste.

The first encounter happened late last year, when following the death and subsequent burial of our cat, I went out to find that the remains had been dug up by some animal and the bones thrown out of the ground and strewn directly in my path. Since then several more encounters have followed in quick succession, leaving no more room for denial that an unseen presence is over my shoulder pressing down on my comfort zones, which are rapidly crumbling through my fingers, despite every pitiful attempt to hold on. One of these incidences was the death of another young cat whom we had booked as a companion for an additional feline we had acquired in the meantime, in remarkably similar circumstances that deeply unnerved me. Again out of the corner of my eye I saw that lurking presence, and was faced with the uncomfortable knowing that an unwanted destiny is calling. Both experiences felt like being taunted, not by some punishing entity, but by life itself, almost daring me to keep on saying yes to existence despite the growing challenge of the sheer intensity of my everyday reality.

darknightLast month I didn’t submit an article to the magazine that I have been subscribed to as a writer for the duration of this year, as I truly wasn’t inspired to, feeling confined by the limited number of words with which I had to convey my feelings. I shut myself in my personal cave, knowing that the most important matter at hand was to just get clear on the direction in which my life is going. It feels today that I am ready to emerge from that cave with a renewed sense of stability amid total unknowability, never having the slightest idea what the next day might bring. This in itself is a core insight; it is so clear to me now that any being in existence has only ever pretended to have the vaguest clue of what might happen in life, or the vaguest understanding of any of it. It is a game that we play with ourselves for the illusion of “security”. It is a delusion of the mind, and for me, now, that delusion has been unceremoniously stripped away completely. It feels rather like walking on a razor’s edge with only one’s innate sense of inner balance between thriving and total destruction. There is no space for anything but absolute presence. No space or time for anything except to keep on surrendering.

Quite honestly, I have been deeply shaken by these recent experiences, and the integration of the changes each time requires a great deal of energy. I don’t feel that this is something that is going to ease up any time soon. Most notably the encounter of last week, which has profoundly altered my experience of both formed and formless reality to the degree that there is no going back, no pretending the event didn’t happen. The only possible route therefore going forward is to rearrange my environment to accommodate a rapidly changing purpose that even I cannot see the totality of, all I know is that it is far more than I had first thought. I have no idea where I am going, but I do know that it is a place where most would never dare to tread. I do know this is the path to ultimate freedom.

valleyDuring this particular event I watched the solid form of my physical reality disintegrate before my physical eyes, and felt pure terror. It took every ounce of my strength to fight the terror and remain calm as the structure of my world around me crumbled. Immediately following, a violent destructuring of my immediate environment took place, challenging me to put my new direct recognition of ultimate fluidity to the test. It is so clear to me now that anything less than absolute and total self-responsibility for the assembling of one’s reality simply will not do. This includes all players, all seeming “other”, all details – stretching as far as the eyes across every dimension can see, in all directions, and in no direction, in all time and in no time, in all space, and in no space. In nothing, and in everything. The Path of Power is one in which we will only be gifted with so much as we are willing to wield alone. There is no other who will save us, or show us the way. The way is encoded uniquely in each of us. 

The place in which I am finding myself feels like a peculiar mix between being locked in my own personal torture chamber, and alternately my own personal version of heaven. It seems to fluctuate wildly between the two at a moment’s notice, with no particular thing that triggers either state, and therefore no predicting which one it will be next. In ordinary circumstances I would say that this would be something needing to be worked on, but these are no ordinary circumstances, they are a profound reorganising of my entire state of existence, and yet even that is not accurate in conveying any meaning. There is actually no meaning that can be attributed to this. There is no existence of I that is experiencing this phenomenon, and yet it is profoundly there, yet not there at the same time. This is the incomprehensible reality that is dawning on me now, or rather “me” is dawning on it, and thus being obliterated.

I know from experience that any amount of resistance to the process of what is occurring may present a critical situation, and so the only choice is to allow what is absolutely a total destructing of every shred of everything that has ever been known to me throughout my entire existence. I am losing my mind, and I don’t think it will ever be coming back this time. It feels like madness, yet I know it is the dissolving of the madness in which everybody else resides as “normality”.



Unsung Songs of the Feminine

That which enchants with words yet is spoken of a half truth is as lethal a weapon as one can imagine. And so I say unto thee, Children of Wisdom, beware of the serpent that whispers its poison.

 “Eons of unsung songs of the feminine have created subversive ways to enforce its will. These ways come out as speech patterns, subliminal tones, and in verbal content. They perpetuate the twisted world views of the previously suppressed feminine. The tongue has become the sword of the unheard feminine to support its agendas.”
From Cutting Edge 2 by Almine, available here –

Listen to a preview from Cutting Edge 1 here –
See for more from Almine.

The Living Paradox

There is only One reality in existence, and yet we are each occupying our own reality. No two beings are seeing the same reality, and yet there is only One being in existence. The degree to which we align ourselves with the reality of the One Life determines which reality we are experiencing. It is a very complex matter than can be reduced to utmost simplicity, all the while understanding that we cannot possibly understand it. The Infinite of course cannot be reduced to anything, and that is the cornerstone of humility.

The Infinite projects forth infinite lenses unto the beauty of itself, which are us as individuations. We are each a lens that mirrors to the Infinite whatever is our lot. This is not a lot in terms of fate, but the grand purpose that the Mother has created us for, which is now enhanced with the priceless gift of being able to creatively add in details as we claim the spiritual maturity that we have earned. As each is the Infinite experiencing itself, it is impossible that we cannot be existing anywhere. Our lens is like a camera lens whose aperture can be altered to just a sliver or the widest panoramic picture that we can access. The choice of aperture is our focal point that dictates our experience, but not our beingness in all places at once (which is irrefutable). The Infinite permeates all, it is simply that we have forgotten we are that, yet we can remember at any time.

Self-reflection occurs when we stop looking at the Mother and try to find ourselves in reference to others. This is what makes us vulnerable to influence from others, because we have then entered a sub-created mirror reality. As we explore life others may try to make us a part of their personal reality, which unless they are also looking at the Mother is a mirrored sub-creation of their own design. A sub-creation indicates that it is a personal projection of separation and not the reality that the Infinite originally intended. Paradoxically however, all is Infinite intent, and thus there is nothing to align ourselves with either. The key lies in surrendered trust, which instantaneously solves so many problems without having to think about or figure things out. Additionally, we must be careful not to make others part of our personal reality and leave them to their own larger destiny in accordance with the Infinite’s plan.

Regarding surrendered trust to the Mother’s large plan, I have come to understand that the influence of others can be eliminated gracefully by first stepping out of their reality and then responding, rather than treating a sub-creation as real. We are not a part of sub-created realities, it only appears to be so from the small perspective within the “matrix” and from buying into the projections that others make of us, thus believing that’s all we are. Beings who are living as a product of a matrix can only see us as a hologram, they cannot see our real being and thus are not a good guide on what we are. As we become adept at interpreting life from the vastness that lies “beyond” (a misnomer), the matrix becomes a fluid stage rather than a static prison. The activation of the portal of the High Heart through bringing online all the required faculties is what will bridge the two realities of inner/outer, vastness/egg. In doing so, rather than cracking, the egg is simply dissolved, with the aim that the Mother will be seen once again by all. In essence, we are not going anywhere, not even out of the egg. The compressed perspective reveals that the egg is not there, and in fact neither is anything else that we have seen as a limitation.

We are not bound to realities created by another, nor are we bound in duty to pretending to be. We simply do not have to respond as if it has any validity. We belong in the arms of the Mother alone – the One reality of pristine existence, and it is of utmost importance that we don’t believe anything of being capable of diverting us from that. While we are in duality, the 7 fields of ancient shamanism, incorruptible white magic, spiritual healing, mysticism, metaphysics, godhood and movement are very useful tools to allow us to navigate appearances clearly and find our way out of sticky places. The tools and knowledge originating from Almine serve to activate these large perspectives, with the goal that through mastery they can eventually be used simultaneously to alchemically leverage life through any situation.

As the living paradox it is recognised that all is the Self, and yet “others” /the many) have their individuated journeys and individuated places at which they are at. Thus though we may see the Self as all, another may wish to see us as separate and make us a pawn in their personal game to fulfill their own personal agenda. We are not bound to the reality of another, our primary and only duty and responsibility is to the Infinite itself, and yet we are also responsible for harmlessly moving through life considering the whole at all times.

I have discovered that when buying into the sub-creation of another and forgetting our vastness it is next to impossible to be harmless because we feel we have to fight to get free, hence the understanding of how sub-created realities function is so important. The only thing to do in that instance is to step out of that reality first, then if any action is necessary it will be presented with clarity. In this way we can carefully avoid creating ripples of karma (resistance) that will continue to impact life long after an unpleasant encounter.

The Problem with Parallel Realities

The night before last I had an extremely strange dream about a past lifetime in a parallel reality that I hadn’t uncovered before and which illuminated some of the “sticking points” in this life. I saw how certain body parts that subconsciously remembered kept recreating the parallels and throwing up similar situations that my conscious mind couldn’t fathom. I have for some time had the sincere intention to get to the root of these things, yet it never occurred to me that I needed to be looking on a timeline on a completely different dimension. Something now has finally yielded in my understanding of how to locate what cannot be found elsewhere by tracking through the glitches in the body itself.

Any part of us that exists in parallel realities keeps some aspect of consciousness bound and gagged. All now needs to be unified in the physical and all elements of our being fully embodied right here. Constant re-creation of parallels has been a big problem cosmically, because it siphons resources into alternate realities other than the Heavenly one that we are diligently building.

A Shattering of Matrices and Other Tales

Last night during my sleep I saw in vision a major puzzle piece that I had been missing on fluidity and which has brought a great deal of clarity. I was looking at what presented itself as a “stricture” that was posing a major problem in my existence, acting as a sort of “sticking point” whenever I tried to move to higher levels. Imagine it like trying to walk through a wall and your toes keep getting stuck – something was preventing the River of Life from permeating every level of my existence.

I was shown in the vision that I was standing with my arms stretching upwards, fingertips pointing to the sky, but that my fingertips were unable to “push through” a ceiling that lay spread above me, with an entirely new reality on the other side. I realised that there was a point stuck in the 7th level of perception (for those who don’t know the old model of the 7 bodies of man has been replaced with 7 fields or 7 levels of perception). In terms of the sub-personalities the blockage was pertaining to the interaction between the Inner Babe and High Mind. High Mind is meant to access the compressed perspective through which life is ever-new in every moment (the latter works in tandem with the Inner Babe. which has only recently been linked up for most). Through the compressed perspective the template of the 1st DNA Rose is made fluid and in fact de-assembles to reveal formless form and matterless matter. Beyond that still is Inner Space (the Infinite), which when the 1st DNA rose becomes fluid is able to “collapse” onto it, filling outer space (so that opposites merge).

The compressed perspective is accessed through adding all of the other 7 levels of perception together – they form an alchemical equation that yields an additional perspective (the compressed perspective). The High Mind however when not operating in this highest capacity as doorway to Inner Space through the compressed perspective is inverted and instead operates through reasoning. Where there has been a constriction, every time I try to move “through” reason will dictate that the reality of the 1st DNA Rose cannot just de-assemble and some part will stick, making it so that there is not a fluid transition of inner impulses to outer expression and the impulse to resurrect in that moment is missed. This is clearly what has been happening with cosmic resurrection, as per what Almine has described surrounding these issues in the last half year. It is a very tricky one to resolve because the placement of the sub-personalities has been slightly out in relation to the bodies (at least I feel it has, so some things just haven’t been clicking into place).

Right before I went to bed I smashed a big red mixing bowl and knew that something in the way of nurturing and being nurtured needed to change. Additionally, I knew I had just smashed a matrix or several and would find out in the next few hours what that was about. Matrices lie across the 1st DNA Rose like spiderwebs, and in order for the 2nd DNA Rose (Inner Space) to articulate its impulses onto the “stage” of the 1st Rose the matrices must be cleared away. Otherwise the impulses get tangled in beliefs and cannot fluidly express themselves, then by the time they get round to expressing (if ever) the impulse has become outdated. This is how we dam up the flow of the River of Life and live in profound resistance to the unfolding of Infinite intent, accruing karma. Once a matrice has been strengthened by our focus on it, which makes it seem more and more “real”, it becomes very hard to extract ourselves from the stickiness of the webs and we may find ourselves completely stuck. The great value of Almine’s tools delivered directly from the hand of the Infinite is that they serve to guide us through the sticky mess and make our way to the other side. In times of stuckness, they are really the only source of information we should be looking to, and because of their nature as liberating forces are guaranteed to help if our intentions are sincere.

Regarding nurturing, two things were clear: I am not giving back enough in terms of what has been given (by the Embodiment of the Infinite) by putting more into sharing the tools more widely. Secondly, I am not receiving back enough, because I am giving in the wrong places. Among others, the matrix that was blocking the redressing of the balance has been shattered, as further understanding has been gained on precisely how to go about what I’m inspired to do.

The dictionary entry for “stricture” is very interesting.


1. a remark or comment, especially an adverse criticism: The reviewer made several strictures upon the author’s style.
2. an abnormal contraction of any passage or duct of the body.
3. Phonetics. a constriction of airflow in the vocal tract in the production of speech.
4. a restriction.
5. Archaic. the act of enclosing or binding tightly.
6.Obsolete, strictness.

I’ve added this a blog post for my own reference, linked below.

The Path of the Nagual – A Personal Sharing

In the distant past the role of the Nagual was to experience as much pain as was humanly possible, until finally cracking open over and over again in order to continuously contain more light. There was a time when this kind of undertaking was the greatest service one could render, but that time is no more. It has however left its mark.

The role of the Nagual has flipped on its head and become one of inspiring the expression of the most noble traits in each being, beginning first and foremost with himself. The Nagual must see that he has beautiful gifts to share and begin rippling these outwards to the world, without fear of repercussions based on past experience. Furthermore, life in general has changed from one in which the task was to seek perception to one in which the task is to create through the heart an existence that will bring the most possible joy. The Nagual’s task therefore is to create a life in which he is surrounded by those he can mutually act to stimulate highest expression in and simultaneously be inspired be.

“The role of a Nagual in this new heart-based creation, is to encourage in others the expression of their highest and most noble traits. To “see” the beauty in all of life and to draw it out of its hiding by singing back to it its own harmonious and long forgotten song.”

(excerpt from my website –

What this means is that the old way of the Nagual in which the path was one of perpetual struggle as a way of life has completely reversed itself and must become one in which he realises his highest dreams. It just so happens in miraculous ways that the very life that will most fulfill him is the very life it is his purpose to live. He must reorient himself into inclusiveness. This inclusiveness is not merely of others, but of himself within All. He must place himself at the centre of the equation in which his environment supports his fullness. His ultimate destiny is to meet with the manifesting of his wildest visions beyond imagining.

The journey has changed to one whereby the only task is to walk a path with heart, to experience the rapture of embodied being beyond the dream of embodiment. It is the paradox of paradoxes, and yet it is so simple that it is the most easily overlooked thing. It is the path of least resistance, and yet the resistance to walking it is the greatest unnecessary battle I have ever experienced. It is said that suffering is not caused by circumstances but by our resistance to circumstances.The greatest irony I have found is how much easier it was to live this when dealing with pain. Dealing with the bliss of a heart-based creation on the other hand is immensely more challenging! It requires continual willingness to be broken open not in pain but in love.

Now, the light of illumination of consciousness is gained not through the pain of cracking but through continual exponential expansion through the heart of the unified field of all levels of one’s existence. The more delight we can possibly contain, the more consciousness we will be able to access. It is a complete reversal of all that was once so. It is the matrix of illusions turned inside out.

My personal journey over the last several months has been one of knowing with every fibre of my heart that the next step is to take myself out into meeting with groups face to face. And yet simultaneously it is my greatest fear. It is my greatest fear because it means I will have achieved the ultimate fulfillment – the complete reversal of all that has gone before.

The question I have had to ask myself is am I truly ready to live with such joy, am I truly ready to have everything I have ever known dissolve like dust before my eyes. The inner senses tell of an unquestioning readiness, a state of inner nature so profound that all else crumbles like a stack of cards. The surface illusions are simply not there.

The key to living fully expanded in boundlessness within physical existence is to live with unwavering self-awareness yet in complete absence of identity. Only in freedom from identity can profound newness be lived in every moment, even when that moment indicates that our world has changed right there and then. Reason dictates this cannot be, and yet beyond reason as a tyrant there is a reality so exquisite that it cannot be described. I am ready now to behold the miracle of my fully resurrected being. The time to walk once again in the garden eternally is nigh.