I want to share a huge breakthrough in my life recently, which I feel may be relevant to others too. For some months now I have been experiencing a mysterious draining of energy in general interaction among those of a resonant level of consciousness. Although this initially made me feel like withdrawing from interaction, I knew this was not the correct approach, and that what it was pointing to was something needing refining in myself. In order to get to the bottom of this, I have spent a period in temporary withdrawal from interaction as much as possible, to really try to get clarity on what life is pushing me to embody at this point on the journey.
What I realised was the following:
If there is truly only One Being in existence (which becomes very clear in resurrection as inner and outer realities merge), and if one is to live this highest truth for the purpose of enhancing all of life, then what that entails is the total and complete relinquishing of the illusion of “other” in every tiny little area of ordinary everyday life where it could possibly linger. Our relationships are the primary training ground for this, as this is the area where it is most easy to slip back into forgetting that there is only the Self, and it is the Self that we encounter directly in all things. In essence, that the game of relationship is a happy illusion.
For me, the patterns that have remained as residue from seeming aeons spent in a divided cosmos have been the desire to share or have a “shared experience”, the desire to belong (which is similar to the desire to have a shared experience), and the desire to be understood. All of these are patterns which bind one to illusion, and all them are thus draining to oneself, and so need to be shed at a certain point on the journey when we are ready to make the large evolutionary leap completely beyond the dream of separation.
The last area that this has had to be shed for me, and which I have held onto for dear life, is in interaction with those who I am closest to and who I consider to be my “spiritual peers” – those on a similar level with whom sharing and relating to has seemed completely natural, and with whom I have finally felt that I “belonged”. I have noticed over recent months, the self-effacing pattern of clinging to the illusion of belonging, in favour of being and expressing my fullness of unique, individual self, lest in doing so I may suddenly no longer be welcome among those who have accepted me in compensation. This is, of course, insane… when there is only me…
In truth, as we are all things and all things are within us, there is no need to explain, to “share”, or any such thing – there is only to live the highest truth of the moment in absolute all-inclusiveness of Being, which pivots all of life at once, and all changes – without any further action required. “Others” will spontaneously access needed insight, understanding that is required by all for evolution will spontaneously be gained, and all of life will change. That is the truth of how powerful we are.
This is of course unless there is the genuine inspiration to explain or share, which is completely different to a need, and may arise spontaneously from seemingly nowhere and with no seeming reason… Inspiration, as it arises, is drawing potential directly from the Unknowable mystery of Infinite possibilities.
The above powerful self-government of our environment doesn’t work in the same way if we try to maintain the illusion of an individual “small self” and “other”, but it does work if we embrace every tiny detail of our environment within the compassionate recognition of all as Self (larger self that is beyond personal identity). This perspective is no small feat to achieve (pun intended), but is our route to absolute liberation from any sense that we could possibly be subject to the tyranny of anything outside of ourselves – and that is the ultimate freedom.
That person in our environment who appears to be set in a certain way? That area that has remained in a fixed pattern for possibly decades? The moment we change in such an all-inclusive embrace of all of it as being us (larger Self), it or they must change too. Or if it is not to change, it must leave our reality. And if leaves our reality, it does not exist within the unique cosmos that we solely inhabit, and thus is of no concern to us.
A practical example of this would be as follows:
Let’s say we are working hard in our life to erase a particular pattern that we have exhibited for many years. This pattern might affect many areas of our life, for example, social interaction, work, close relationships, self-image… The very moment that we change that pattern in all-inclusive embrace of our environment as Self, it no longer exists in reality (our reality)!
If for example, however, we were then to try and go to explain to somebody (eg. a friend or partner) why we previously acted a certain way or had a certain pattern in place, we recreate it again. We put ourselves back into the illusion of a separated reality wherein there are “others”, and we leak the power we have just gained in releasing a stuck area of latent potential, causing ourselves to spiral backwards in awareness due to the loss of energy (energy and awareness equate).
This is because the moment we change, the past no longer exists. We change everything in the present, and with that, our future also changes (despite what the previous moment might have looked like). Imagine that something that may have been a feature in our lives for maybe decades suddenly no longer exists! Others will also no longer remember it existed, because within the fabric of life we have just erased it. That is how powerful we truly are. It is vital that we do not try to explain away our highest perception, instead, we must trust that as we remove illusion in ourselves, it no longer exists in cosmic life.
The paradoxical truth is that we each uniquely embody our own reality, yet all of this is the Self… We are never truly alone as we contain all things, yet we can never truly share the utterly unique perspective of another. At most, we can glimpse through their eyes a snapshot of eternity, and in that moment, our “shared” experience is one of our shared divinity. Such an experience is the greatest treasure, and can only be grasped when we are utterly ourselves unapologetically, unmasked, nakedly, and in our nakedness, utterly prepared to be seen…mutually.
For the mystery of you cannot be comprehended, don’t try to explain it away to anyone… You are an unfathomable, incomparable Being of Eternity.
Recently I became aware of the astrological phenomenon known as the Saturn Return, which I have just entered into the first event of in my own life in linear terms. I can’t say exactly how I became aware of this except that I felt it, and then somehow, as always happens the written information to back up what I had sensed already simply landed in my lap.
Saturn is said to be the slowest moving planet, taking a full 28-30 years to complete an orbit of the sun whereby it ends up back in the same place in the cosmos where it started, albeit at a higher level of expression. Because of this, it brings with it the qualities and the lessons of perseverance, persistence, patience, discipline, and mastery of time, among many others. It is the ruler of Capricorn and Aquarius, and goes by many other names – “The Great Teacher”, “The Lord of Karma” and “The Great Malefic” being just some.
Come to think of it, I had been told about this phenomenon by somebody several years ago, and had shelved it in the back of my consciousness until such a time as it was directly relevant. I hadn’t, however, shelved the message – that a time of testing would come, and that it was necessary to have things in order to at least to a relative degree beforehand, allowing the essence of this to permeate my subconscious and influence decisions along the way.
I had heard that Saturn’s return can be hellish for an individual if they haven’t exactly been following the path most in alignment with their true purpose, yet on the contrary; if the opposite is the case, it can be a time of tremendous opportunity to crystalise previously-made wise choices into a more tangible materialised reality for the foreseeable future. The latter is definitely the case for me. This period, while coloured by a rather uncomfortable pressure to do something, is providing the impetus to thoroughly establish in a grounded, practical, realistic way in the vision for my life that I have been building towards for many years, aided by the power of this fortuitous ally. Furthermore, my dear old friend Saturn is blessedly highlighting all of the niggling little areas that need to be refined in order to make this landing possible, while ruthlessly shearing away all that needs to die off in the process.
Astrologically, for me the Saturn placement in my chart is in the first house of Self and in the sign of Capricorn. It’s been crystal clear to me for some time what this means in terms of my unique experience (from what I had sensed both consciously and unconciously – though really these are very close together for me), and what this period of the next few years would be likely to present as challenges and opportunities, but it has been of great interest to discover that this is actually “written in the stars”. So long as astrology is not taken literally in terms of it being a binding linear contract, I am certainly discovering that the more lucid mythical translation, mystical even, is of tremendous benefit at the moment. I feel sincerely that these placements were chosen deliberately in order to maximise every conceivable potential to grow exponentially into full self-realsation, and that their highest octaves can be called upon for support.
I believe that Saturn is transiting in general for the collective at the moment, which will be affecting all in some way or another – and thus this is far more an archetypal situation than it is a personal one. Those of us who are attuned to the collective simply feel the personal much more deeply, as we are all too aware of the powerful impact that an individual life can potentially have on the whole of existence.
With the first house of Self and self-expression, and the sign of Capricorn in my personal astrology, the experience of transiting Saturn as it appears to me thus far is bringing me face to face with my deepest fears surrounding self-expression, how I hold myself back and why, and the clear understanding of how this struggle hampers advancement in my vocational career – meaning the path which I know in the marrow of my bones is mine to follow, without any shadow of a doubt, yet simultaneously is the most challenging and difficult route possible. This transit is making it crystal clear that there is no turning back now; no avoiding the inevitable. The only choice is the highest choice to face the seeming challenges of the moment as they arise with exceptional poise.
I have wondered briefly how long I may be able to delay action that I know is required before feeling the impact of this transit heavily, and the answer to that question has made itself known quite abruptly. Two nights this week, I’ve laid awake until 5am unable to sleep with streams of information clamouring to be written pouring through the fibres of my being. It is the “story” of where I’ve come from and how I’ve got to here, the telling of which I’ve known would eventually have to come, there ultimately was no avoiding it. It appears now however that there is no stopping the torrent in the immediate sense, these are the labour pains of my full birthing into embodied presence and they have started. This is it. It feels like a “now or never” scenario, and so with that said, this is my attempt to simply start somewhere and unclog the flow, ready to patiently wait and see what comes of it…
Regarding challenges surrounding self-expression, I have danced for many years around the sense that it was perhaps inauthentic to “tell the whole tale” (realising I am being very cryptic here), since many aspects of it are no longer relevant to me personally, yet I recognise that it is the whole picture that makes up the totality of what I have to offer to humanity in terms of my tangible contribution to human evolutionary understanding. Therefore, as suggested by the planetary placements chosen to deal with this lifelong “project” of full individuation, the only way to deliver the message effectively is to don a garment that is not only visible but understandable to others – to utilise the tool of a relatable “persona”, yet with my own stamp of total transparency, which I truly don’t think I am capable of deviating from in any case.
Work With Me – Ciara offers private coaching and healing sessions. Find out more at www.theblazingheartfoundation.com
That dark shadow, tempting me to take another step…
For the last six months I have been having a most intense experience that until this morning I hadn’t even told my closest about, not wanting to cause fright. It has gradually dawned on me that I am being stalked by the shadow of death, and there is no escaping the inevitable pivotal moment of our direct meeting. That is not to say that this meeting will happen in any fatal capacity, far from it, but that it is an urgent message to live with such extreme awareness as to recognise that effectively any moment could be my last and to be prepared to face it with glory. I am acutely aware that it is an urgent message to prepare myself for what will be a once in a lifetime opportunity, a moment of testing that if passed through successfully, will represent a doorway into a level of consciousness I have been seeking for ages. There is no time to waste.
The first encounter happened late last year, when following the death and subsequent burial of our cat, I went out to find that the remains had been dug up by some animal and the bones thrown out of the ground and strewn directly in my path. Since then several more encounters have followed in quick succession, leaving no more room for denial that an unseen presence is over my shoulder pressing down on my comfort zones, which are rapidly crumbling through my fingers, despite every pitiful attempt to hold on. One of these incidences was the death of another young cat whom we had booked as a companion for an additional feline we had acquired in the meantime, in remarkably similar circumstances that deeply unnerved me. Again out of the corner of my eye I saw that lurking presence, and was faced with the uncomfortable knowing that an unwanted destiny is calling. Both experiences felt like being taunted, not by some punishing entity, but by life itself, almost daring me to keep on saying yes to existence despite the growing challenge of the sheer intensity of my everyday reality.
Last month I didn’t submit an article to the magazine that I have been subscribed to as a writer for the duration of this year, as I truly wasn’t inspired to, feeling confined by the limited number of words with which I had to convey my feelings. I shut myself in my personal cave, knowing that the most important matter at hand was to just get clear on the direction in which my life is going. It feels today that I am ready to emerge from that cave with a renewed sense of stability amid total unknowability, never having the slightest idea what the next day might bring. This in itself is a core insight; it is so clear to me now that any being in existence has only ever pretended to have the vaguest clue of what might happen in life, or the vaguest understanding of any of it. It is a game that we play with ourselves for the illusion of “security”. It is a delusion of the mind, and for me, now, that delusion has been unceremoniously stripped away completely. It feels rather like walking on a razor’s edge with only one’s innate sense of inner balance between thriving and total destruction. There is no space for anything but absolute presence. No space or time for anything except to keep on surrendering.
Quite honestly, I have been deeply shaken by these recent experiences, and the integration of the changes each time requires a great deal of energy. I don’t feel that this is something that is going to ease up any time soon. Most notably the encounter of last week, which has profoundly altered my experience of both formed and formless reality to the degree that there is no going back, no pretending the event didn’t happen. The only possible route therefore going forward is to rearrange my environment to accommodate a rapidly changing purpose that even I cannot see the totality of, all I know is that it is far more than I had first thought. I have no idea where I am going, but I do know that it is a place where most would never dare to tread. I do know this is the path to ultimate freedom.
During this particular event I watched the solid form of my physical reality disintegrate before my physical eyes, and felt pure terror. It took every ounce of my strength to fight the terror and remain calm as the structure of my world around me crumbled. Immediately following, a violent destructuring of my immediate environment took place, challenging me to put my new direct recognition of ultimate fluidity to the test. It is so clear to me now that anything less than absolute and total self-responsibility for the assembling of one’s reality simply will not do. This includes all players, all seeming “other”, all details – stretching as far as the eyes across every dimension can see, in all directions, and in no direction, in all time and in no time, in all space, and in no space. In nothing, and in everything. The Path of Power is one in which we will only be gifted with so much as we are willing to wield alone. There is no other who will save us, or show us the way. The way is encoded uniquely in each of us.
The place in which I am finding myself feels like a peculiar mix between being locked in my own personal torture chamber, and alternately my own personal version of heaven. It seems to fluctuate wildly between the two at a moment’s notice, with no particular thing that triggers either state, and therefore no predicting which one it will be next. In ordinary circumstances I would say that this would be something needing to be worked on, but these are no ordinary circumstances, they are a profound reorganising of my entire state of existence, and yet even that is not accurate in conveying any meaning. There is actually no meaning that can be attributed to this. There is no existence of I that is experiencing this phenomenon, and yet it is profoundly there, yet not there at the same time. This is the incomprehensible reality that is dawning on me now, or rather “me” is dawning on it, and thus being obliterated.
I know from experience that any amount of resistance to the process of what is occurring may present a critical situation, and so the only choice is to allow what is absolutely a total destructing of every shred of everything that has ever been known to me throughout my entire existence. I am losing my mind, and I don’t think it will ever be coming back this time. It feels like madness, yet I know it is the dissolving of the madness in which everybody else resides as “normality”.
The night before last I had an extremely strange dream about a past lifetime in a parallel reality that I hadn’t uncovered before and which illuminated some of the “sticking points” in this life. I saw how certain body parts that subconsciously remembered kept recreating the parallels and throwing up similar situations that my conscious mind couldn’t fathom. I have for some time had the sincere intention to get to the root of these things, yet it never occurred to me that I needed to be looking on a timeline on a completely different dimension. Something now has finally yielded in my understanding of how to locate what cannot be found elsewhere by tracking through the glitches in the body itself.
Any part of us that exists in parallel realities keeps some aspect of consciousness bound and gagged. All now needs to be unified in the physical and all elements of our being fully embodied right here. Constant re-creation of parallels has been a big problem cosmically, because it siphons resources into alternate realities other than the Heavenly one that we are diligently building.
Last night during my sleep I saw in vision a major puzzle piece that I had been missing on fluidity and which has brought a great deal of clarity. I was looking at what presented itself as a “stricture” that was posing a major problem in my existence, acting as a sort of “sticking point” whenever I tried to move to higher levels. Imagine it like trying to walk through a wall and your toes keep getting stuck – something was preventing the River of Life from permeating every level of my existence.
I was shown in the vision that I was standing with my arms stretching upwards, fingertips pointing to the sky, but that my fingertips were unable to “push through” a ceiling that lay spread above me, with an entirely new reality on the other side. I realised that there was a point stuck in the 7th level of perception (for those who don’t know the old model of the 7 bodies of man has been replaced with 7 fields or 7 levels of perception). In terms of the sub-personalities the blockage was pertaining to the interaction between the Inner Babe and High Mind. High Mind is meant to access the compressed perspective through which life is ever-new in every moment (the latter works in tandem with the Inner Babe. which has only recently been linked up for most). Through the compressed perspective the template of the 1st DNA Rose is made fluid and in fact de-assembles to reveal formless form and matterless matter. Beyond that still is Inner Space (the Infinite), which when the 1st DNA rose becomes fluid is able to “collapse” onto it, filling outer space (so that opposites merge).
The compressed perspective is accessed through adding all of the other 7 levels of perception together – they form an alchemical equation that yields an additional perspective (the compressed perspective). The High Mind however when not operating in this highest capacity as doorway to Inner Space through the compressed perspective is inverted and instead operates through reasoning. Where there has been a constriction, every time I try to move “through” reason will dictate that the reality of the 1st DNA Rose cannot just de-assemble and some part will stick, making it so that there is not a fluid transition of inner impulses to outer expression and the impulse to resurrect in that moment is missed. This is clearly what has been happening with cosmic resurrection, as per what Almine has described surrounding these issues in the last half year. It is a very tricky one to resolve because the placement of the sub-personalities has been slightly out in relation to the bodies (at least I feel it has, so some things just haven’t been clicking into place).
Right before I went to bed I smashed a big red mixing bowl and knew that something in the way of nurturing and being nurtured needed to change. Additionally, I knew I had just smashed a matrix or several and would find out in the next few hours what that was about. Matrices lie across the 1st DNA Rose like spiderwebs, and in order for the 2nd DNA Rose (Inner Space) to articulate its impulses onto the “stage” of the 1st Rose the matrices must be cleared away. Otherwise the impulses get tangled in beliefs and cannot fluidly express themselves, then by the time they get round to expressing (if ever) the impulse has become outdated. This is how we dam up the flow of the River of Life and live in profound resistance to the unfolding of Infinite intent, accruing karma. Once a matrice has been strengthened by our focus on it, which makes it seem more and more “real”, it becomes very hard to extract ourselves from the stickiness of the webs and we may find ourselves completely stuck. The great value of Almine’s tools delivered directly from the hand of the Infinite is that they serve to guide us through the sticky mess and make our way to the other side. In times of stuckness, they are really the only source of information we should be looking to, and because of their nature as liberating forces are guaranteed to help if our intentions are sincere.
Regarding nurturing, two things were clear: I am not giving back enough in terms of what has been given (by the Embodiment of the Infinite) by putting more into sharing the tools more widely. Secondly, I am not receiving back enough, because I am giving in the wrong places. Among others, the matrix that was blocking the redressing of the balance has been shattered, as further understanding has been gained on precisely how to go about what I’m inspired to do.
The dictionary entry for “stricture” is very interesting.
I’ve added this a blog post for my own reference, linked below.
In the distant past the role of the Nagual was to experience as much pain as was humanly possible, until finally cracking open over and over again in order to continuously contain more light. There was a time when this kind of undertaking was the greatest service one could render, but that time is no more. It has however left its mark.
The role of the Nagual has flipped on its head and become one of inspiring the expression of the most noble traits in each being, beginning first and foremost with himself. The Nagual must see that he has beautiful gifts to share and begin rippling these outwards to the world, without fear of repercussions based on past experience. Furthermore, life in general has changed from one in which the task was to seek perception to one in which the task is to create through the heart an existence that will bring the most possible joy. The Nagual’s task therefore is to create a life in which he is surrounded by those he can mutually act to stimulate highest expression in and simultaneously be inspired be.
“The role of a Nagual in this new heart-based creation, is to encourage in others the expression of their highest and most noble traits. To “see” the beauty in all of life and to draw it out of its hiding by singing back to it its own harmonious and long forgotten song.”
(excerpt from my website – http://www.theblazingheartfoundation.com/about)
What this means is that the old way of the Nagual in which the path was one of perpetual struggle as a way of life has completely reversed itself and must become one in which he realises his highest dreams. It just so happens in miraculous ways that the very life that will most fulfill him is the very life it is his purpose to live. He must reorient himself into inclusiveness. This inclusiveness is not merely of others, but of himself within All. He must place himself at the centre of the equation in which his environment supports his fullness. His ultimate destiny is to meet with the manifesting of his wildest visions beyond imagining.
The journey has changed to one whereby the only task is to walk a path with heart, to experience the rapture of embodied being beyond the dream of embodiment. It is the paradox of paradoxes, and yet it is so simple that it is the most easily overlooked thing. It is the path of least resistance, and yet the resistance to walking it is the greatest unnecessary battle I have ever experienced. It is said that suffering is not caused by circumstances but by our resistance to circumstances.The greatest irony I have found is how much easier it was to live this when dealing with pain. Dealing with the bliss of a heart-based creation on the other hand is immensely more challenging! It requires continual willingness to be broken open not in pain but in love.
Now, the light of illumination of consciousness is gained not through the pain of cracking but through continual exponential expansion through the heart of the unified field of all levels of one’s existence. The more delight we can possibly contain, the more consciousness we will be able to access. It is a complete reversal of all that was once so. It is the matrix of illusions turned inside out.
My personal journey over the last several months has been one of knowing with every fibre of my heart that the next step is to take myself out into meeting with groups face to face. And yet simultaneously it is my greatest fear. It is my greatest fear because it means I will have achieved the ultimate fulfillment – the complete reversal of all that has gone before.
The question I have had to ask myself is am I truly ready to live with such joy, am I truly ready to have everything I have ever known dissolve like dust before my eyes. The inner senses tell of an unquestioning readiness, a state of inner nature so profound that all else crumbles like a stack of cards. The surface illusions are simply not there.
The key to living fully expanded in boundlessness within physical existence is to live with unwavering self-awareness yet in complete absence of identity. Only in freedom from identity can profound newness be lived in every moment, even when that moment indicates that our world has changed right there and then. Reason dictates this cannot be, and yet beyond reason as a tyrant there is a reality so exquisite that it cannot be described. I am ready now to behold the miracle of my fully resurrected being. The time to walk once again in the garden eternally is nigh.