The Soul’s Journey

Image credit: “Soul’s Journey” by Freydoon Rassouli – http://rassouli.com

A “personal” update on the eternal journey – see my blog at The Blazing Heart Foundation for more informational/instructional posts.

Several years ago, I used to write extensively. The love of writing has been something that has lived strongly in me since very early childhood, and which feels like an inextricably interwoven thread of the tapestry of my soul. I even wrote and published a book of poetry (in late 2013). It documented my journey from one level of life to another, through the ins and outs of travels through vast cosmic dimensions, yet still within the realm of a personal dream. 

The depth and extent of emotional pain I was experiencing at that point was so great that the only way I could survive it was to turn it into something beautiful. I was drowning in grief so engulfing that the only way to breathe was to create poetry of the agony, which allowed me to keep my head above water just long enough to take big gulps of some kind of life-sustaining substance. I feel that this is how the human soul copes in the face of overwhelming tragedy.

This is why writing, song, and imagery that depicts emotional sadness is described as being “beautiful”. Those who can express in this format are hailed as delivering a balm to weary souls. This is because, in the face of the unbearable, finding something beautiful within it is a lifeline that ensures the survival of the spirit. We find such expressions of what is ultimately great suffering to be beautiful, because it reminds us that we too might be beautiful, and of beauty, even in our imperfect and flawed vision of ourselves. It reminds us that hope in a dark world might exist after all. It reminds us that if we can see beauty in the darkest of places, then there is still a chance for our redemption.

At the end of 2014, an unthinkable event occurred in my life. I had a positively and absolutely cataclysmic “falling out” with a sister who I had been very close to. I am not the type of person to “fall out” with anyone, so this was shocking and traumatic to the very depths of my being. In truth, this was a fated parting that signalled the absolute death beyond any possibility for resuscitation of an old way of being whose time had well and truly come.

Following this event, which left me shattered for almost two whole years, my ability to write was all but dissolved completely. I did not know it at the time, but what was actually underway was a process of completely and totally altering the way in which I expressed myself, and the place that it was coming from. Though it was not something I knowingly chose to go through, a deeper and even largely conscious part of my being had prayed for emancipation from the illusions that has bound me, and got exactly what it has asked for. Over the course of these two years, as the layers of shock wore off, I came to understand that I had been forcibly extracted from a reality in which I very much did not belong, and which was in fact the reality of separation from the Source of Life in a nutshell.

During the course of this process, something changed in the fundamental nature of how I was able to show up in life creatively.

As I searched for a way to reignite my ability to express as I had done previously, I faced wall after wall of frustration. Moreover, any little shred that I did manage to express felt so profoundly wrong that it hurt. I wrote, and then immediately felt the need to retract what I had said. I began to have the sense that I was trapped in a period of mandatory silence. Slowly but surely it dawned on me why this was… I had developed such power in my ability to articulate great depths of understanding that had the potential to influence others who might also be of great benevolent benefit to humanity, that it was absolutely critical that I not articulate even a single word of illusion! To do so may have had dire consequences. I could no longer live my full potential while holding onto even a single shred of “what was”. It took some time to fully digest, but the challenge I had been gifted was one of immense privilege.

So thoroughly was the destructuring that was underway throughout every hidden crevice of my existence, that to utter a word while in the depths of that process felt like it came with the huge risk of inadvertently crystallizing something that was ultimately not real, and that would surely have fallen away by the next day. Only this year have I come to understand the full implications of why it was so crucial not to do this, and even then I don’t pretend to fully understand beyond even the vaguest glimpse.

All patterns that are of the dream of separation must fall away as we prepare for the inexplicably wondrous journey of entering a reality of limitlessness, something that has never before been possible in the history of cosmic evolution. Every tiny shred of the way in which one might function on a day to day basis has to be gone over with the finest tooth comb imaginable. There is simply no place in a limitless reality for the habitual and programmed mechanisms of personal entrapment that have formed as scar tissue over our past misperceptions. Should the process of dissolution of the old be resisted, it will surely be forced upon us through unpleasant means. The most sensible approach in these rapidly changing times is to co-operate fully and in utmost humility. 

The key to our freedom lies in full authentic expression.

To enter a reality of High Magic, the way in which the tiniest thought, word and feeling is articulated by us, in any form, has to be scrutinised in a way exponentially beyond anything that has ever previously been touched on. The Master of High Magic holds in his hands the potential to impact reality on all 8 fields of existence. This is not a possibility that can be taken lightly. The supreme responsibility that comes with this, is such that we will simply not be allowed to hold power of any kind so long as we may use said power, even unknowingly, to cause damage to the delicate and intricately woven fabric of life.

Everywhere I looked at the old forms of expression that I may previously have thought to be “beautiful”, and any expression that I tried to engage in myself, felt like nothing more than the glorification of illusion – it struck in me such a deep repulsion that I plunged into what can only be described as a type of depression, the disillusionment with what had seemed such a familiar landscape was so great and so total. The term “shock” very accurately describes the feeling that dominated the the vast majority of 2015, and well into 2016. Many times during this period I felt sincerely like I couldn’t go on another day, and frequently cried myself to sleep in a state of absolute desperation and despair. Yet still I couldn’t bring myself to pretend even for a moment that either what I had experienced previously, or what I was in the throes of right now, was ultimately “real”. I knew with every fibre of my being that I was in a process of total dissolution of the dream of a separate existence in a divided universe.

During this period of what seemed like enforced silence, only my partner truly knew even a snapshot of the extent of how broken I was feeling, and even then, I fell entirely short of being able to convey accurately what was really troubling me so profoundly. Blessedly, approaching the end of 2016, a new dawn began to burst forth over the horizon, which has launched me and many others whom I believe were experiencing a related process simultaneously into a glorious new era of entirely new interpretation of life.

Now, I feel the undeniable pull that I must reignite the power of the written word to convey the information that I feel so compelled to express, but this time from an utterly different angle. I may no longer speak on the play of illusion, but only on the fluidly unfolding truth of eternally indivisible Oneness with Infinity. The separation of distinct current from Ocean is a fallacy, that while valid, is not what I am here to elucidate. Untruth, dressed even in the prettiest of garments, is not the companion it promises to be.

My soul sings the new song, not of hailing the beauty within tragedy, but of the beauty that lies beyond the dream of tragic eventualities – the dream of the Infinite which is blossoming as the secret and sacred garden of our wildest imaginings. Listen on the wind and you may hear the whispers of its coming, uttered softly in the excited tones of glad anticipation of wondrous things, from the most pristine and innocent core of the hearts of all beings, slumbering or otherwise.

Of course, on the other side of this several year long process, I can once again appreciate why sadness is venerated as beauty by those who are entrenched so much in the depths of it that there is no other option, and through compassionate understanding, know that the way in which I am of most benefit is not to join the masses in their sorrow, but to experience as much joy as is possible to embrace in any given moment. The path of greatest joy is the road that leads to Heaven for all, and it must be paved by those who know how to follow it.

~

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The Microcosm Within the Macrocosm and the Macrocosm Within the Microcosm

I have been observing a deep cut on my finger healing and the process is absolutely fascinating! It is interesting to note that the cut skin never reattaches itself, what happens is that a new layer grows underneath and it eventually peels off. It’s so interesting to observe how this directly corresponds to the inner healing process (albeit on a micro level). The skin is cut which exposes a wound and then it takes a little while for fresh skin to form while the old skin lingers. As soon as the fresh skin is ready to reveal itself the old skin just falls away by itself. I used to try to pick the skin off in the hope that it would heal faster, I have now learned to leave it alone and marvel at the perfection of the process.

This cut has taught me incredible things, most notably about the stages of development that move from co-dependence to independence and finally to inter-dependence. I noticed that I can hardly do anything normally with a cut on this particular finger, I didn’t realised I relied on it so much until it was out of action. This finger has represented my relationships to others and I finally see that trying to cling to independence is dysfunctional. Inter-dependence is far more stable and generally healthy. I had been trying to cut off my own hands by isolating myself in fear.