The Highest Calling of Mankind

Man so fears his own freedom that he is willing to encage himself in a prison of his own making. In truth, what man really fears is self-responsibility. He does not trust himself with his own power of creation and ability to wield his tools with integrity.

In this new creation of heart-centered awareness, as long as man has an open heart he is free to create his world in whatever fashion pleases him. There is nothing that he can do wrong with his birthright of sovereign power because in order to attain it he must recognise his own inherent innocence. In the space of the present moment dwells a life without agenda from where one can innocently experience and participate in life.

Man is fearful of a certain future and fearful of a certain past, but his fears are shadows on a wall. In his own Luminosity he finds himself shadowless, free to paint his canvas in rapturous tones.

The Dawn of New Day for Ireland – Ancestral Karma and the Suppression of Passion

After two more significant injuries since falling off my bike last week and a firm decision to nip this little run of mishaps in the bud before it gets out of hand, last night I spent several strenuous hours engaged in the inner process that I call “dredging”.

Dredging is digging through the subconscious with power tools, not just a fine toothed comb, to thoroughly shake up and hopefully unearth the underlying core of problems. It’s not for the faint-hearted, but it’s the most effective method I know. After an entire night including a sleep of effort I finally hit a jackpot with my findings this morning.

I have learned through experience that in grubby places of the psyche there is always some treasure, perhaps a single pearl to be mined amid a bed of tar. This alone makes the process of even searching in the first place worthwhile. Couple this with the understanding that as we set ourselves free we set others free by proxy and it is always worthwhile engaging in anything that potentially illuminates something.

I awoke this morning following a flurry of astral dreams, unusual for me as I generally travel far beyond the astral during sleep, to note that my body was buzzing. On inspection I realised that what was occurring was pockets of density stored in deep cellular tissue was dissolving. I had successfully accessed a pool of ancestral baggage and it was evaporating before my eyes.

I saw flashing through my mind’s eye the childhood of my maternal grandmother, followed by her adolescence and the events that unfolded there. I observed with interest the wall of religious shame surrounding her like a barricade since even before her birth. I saw the other women involved in her life, her mother, aunts and extended family and noted just the same thing in all of them. The over-riding emotion that governed their existence seemed to be an all-consuming shame. The shame of their female nature, their female bodies, shame of their sexuality, shame of their creative power. I observed the birth of my mother and the shame surrounding that, and saw that I had merely inherited something deeply unconscious. I realised that I have secretly resented being asked to wear the cloak of ancestral shame, but also that it was passed down through an automatically assumed tradition, not out of any deliberate malice. It was a survival mechanism, the passing of the core of something into the core of the next generation in the hope they would survive the expected process of life.

The tradition of shame is a plague that had cursed the women of Ireland for centuries, if not millenia, and in fact women most of the world over. An unwelcome gift brought to a land once infused by Goddess energy by an over-bearing patriarchal rulership who themselves felt ashamed of their own sexual urges – the cloak of shame was enforced on the perceived cause of all masculine-oriented problems; the unbounded freedom of the female spirit. Why should we be ashamed of our nature as sexual beings when sexuality is at the core of our ability to manifest life? This is an important question that all Irish women should be asking themselves, and in fact all women in general. Without our sexual nature intact, which is inherently creatively inspired, what are we but a land devoid of life, spirit, passion, poetry? I can hear the poetry of Ireland still flowing through her throbbing veins, but her voice has been all but drowned out by the roar of self-oppression.

Today I have chosen to rise up from beneath the unwanted mantle of shame and claim my place as Goddess incarnate on a land that is my home. I will not be driven out or pushed from my place, I will stand and dance and delight all with the beauty of my face. I refuse to be quashed or caged or to live in a state of defeated rage, I unveil myself as a representation of true feminine grace.

The religious programming that has dominated Eire is stored in the astral layer of existence, the dense etheric layer that is blocking our view of Infinity. It has become an almost solid wall of smoke obscuring the vision of her true countenance. This layer corresponds to our emotional body which explains entirely why Ireland has manifested a large problem with water (symbolising emotion). Emotion as our watery, flowing nature has become a dirty puddle of ages-old stagnation. This must be cleared and passion must once again take its rightful place on stage. It is the only way to resolve the plight of the Irish people. The creativity of pure-hearted sexuality must once again rule the day.

Walking the Fine Line

Dear friends

Thank you so much to everyone who has participated in our Sacred Sexuality series, I am deeply grateful for the input of everyone.
Thank you especially to my beloved sister Barbara, without whom I would not have had the courage to share these things at all.

I wanted to share a little bit about my experience over the last few days. To my great surprise (although I prepared) the last two days have been a struggle. Although I have moved into an entirely new reality I find myself still having to deal with the fall-out of the last one. I feel a battle in my body whereby in consciousness I am free but in physicality there are still many things to clear. Basic things, such as the imprint of painful touch on the skin and the muscle memory of having to “brace oneself” for battle.

It is clear to me that having made the absolute decision to walk away from the human games all of this can finally be shed and that is why it’s there. But while there is still any trace of painful physical experience it is difficult to not on some level still have the sense of “separation”. I am learning very carefully to not judge that experience and recognise that it has value that may potentially benefit others. I would like to overcome the tendency to isolate myself when I am feeling “undesirable things”, which feeds the sense of separation.

There are many feelings which are strange to me which have suddenly surfaced, such as anger that I have suppressed my whole life in allowing myself to be a doormat. I feel like I have had to hide my feelings all of this time to cover for the shortcomings of others, and that is something that has to change. Interestingly, I realise now that I have used raw food/food free as crutch to hide what I’m actually feeling (raw food is renowned for disguising anger). That of course is a very useful tool for clearing anger from the body, but can also come at a high cost if it’s used as a repressive mechanism.

Over the last 48hrs I have felt great shame for the way that I actually feel, but I realise this is not healthy and so I need to express it in different ways. If it’s there there must be a value and so I know my task is to share it. The shadow side of anger (which believe it or not has a purpose) manifests as self-hatred and eats away at the self, which tells me that the beneficial side can be used an expression of passion to clear through the debris of the past, as long as we do not judge it. I truly feel that it is an emotion that will be part of history for humanity, but first we need to learn to use it is catalytic ways.

The anger that I feel is not directed at anyone, it is merely a build up of frustration that has never had a safe place to release. It is such a foreign experience to me, but I feel it now like rocks (locks) in my body. It has given me such incredible insights into the deeper nature of the sub-personalities and a ferocious nurturing aspect has arisen that has never been there before. It is the desire to nurture (not protect) the sensitive and the vulnerable, beginning with my inner child who has felt abandoned and unheard. The truth is, though I had done so much work on this already, in still pretending that all is ok I’ve never allowed the child to fully heal. In accepting the unaccepable because the nurturing aspect was not fully functioning I have believed that the child would have to go unheard in order to be safe. Now I see the folly of this, the child is openly wailing so that I can finally hear the confusion she has felt all along. 

This attempt to step away from the human games completely is the biggest challenge I’ve ever faced, there are psychic influences coming at me from every direction. I have noticed that in attempting to stay in the center of my tube torus the very first thing I am encountering is resistance to “undesirable emotions”. This immedidately generates a dialogue in the mind which then speaks directly about the things that are being suppressed. It is fascinating to note now how deeply I have judged myself and how much I have truly tried to hide behind “false strength”.

I have felt shame that I cannot possible exist in a “healing” role if I still feel these things, but that is ridiculous. All I have been doing all along is sharing authentically my experience so I want to open that up to you now… here is my transparent self.

I want to add that I would not be getting through this incredibly tough experience were it not for the amazing support of Niels, who is my rock. He seems to be unmovable by even the stormiest inner seas. Now I need to learn the art of expressing outwardly for myself.

Much love

The Root of War

I have noticed that one of the the things that humanity seeks in a tribe (and often the tribe is family) is commonalities. They look for things that are similar enough they can be debated to a small degree of tension, which maintains the back and forth pull of opposites that keeps the tribe in place.

On a larger level then, the tribe could be likened to the whole of humanity in the matrix. Eventually you reach a point where there are no commonalities with anyone within the matrix which leaves no option but to leave, and that’s where I’m at now.

I’m making the final preparations both internally and externally, in my body and various other expressions, to make this possible, and then I will be able to share how I’ve done it in practical terms.

For me right now it is extremely tedious not to mention uncomfortable attempting to remain with even one finger “inside the fishbowl” and I would imagine there are others who feel this way.

One could ask what I’m holding on for, and the truth is I’m running out of reasons I could possibly invent. One of the biggest roadblocks I would say is fear with regards to connections to others, or basically the fishbowl tribe. What will happen to them, how will I interact, will I be rejected, etc. Honestly, the answer is unknowable, and in fact the only way to escape the fishbowl is to stop seeking the answers in order to be able to go where mind can’t go and stay there on a permanent basis, from which point actually anything can be dealt with in truly miraculous ways and without ever having to wonder about the confines of either human or cosmic boundaries again.

Meanwhile, I bide my time, like a cat restlessly stalking a mouse whose time is almost nigh. In this case, the mouse is the rational mind, and I’m going to have fun chewing it up.

The Healing Power of Relationship

I can honestly say that I would not be in the position I am in today were it not for the help of the beautiful and gentle-hearted men who have come into my world, and I want to thank every single one of them.

Not all of these have been romantic partners, but all have touched me deeply and left a lasting impact on the landscape of my life. For any of you who read this, you know who you are, and I honour you.

It is true that relationship can be that which inflicts wounds or that which heals them, and I have been indescribably lucky with some of the relationships that have crossed my path. I have always said that when we love ourselves enough, somebody who equally matches and mirrors that love will appear before us. When we achieve enough of an inner balance that we no longer need to see the reflection of our dysfunction but instead the expression of our potential manifested, the universe must deliver our heart’s desires. That has happened for me now at least in certain areas, proof that this understanding is indeed true, and I couldn’t be more joyful.

Loving ourselves completely means refusing to settle for less than what we know we can potentially experience and achieve. It means never settling for less than exactly the dreams that we dream of, and never accepting that we are limited despite whatever distorted vision our
world may seem to show us. It means being brave enough to say no, and to say yes, according to our highest inspiration in any moment. Saying yes to life is the prerequisite to drawing towards us the kind of relationships that we really want to have, and saying yes to our whole selves is the key to attracting others who can embrace our whole selves too.

Throughout my years of searching, few have understood the desire to find somebody with whom I could go so deep as to be able to find myself in their eyes and to have that feeling reciprocated. But yet, I feel that this is a desire in the heart’s of almost everyone, it may simply be the case that we have not gone deeply enough into our own hearts to find it there. We may not have looked deeply enough into our own eyes to be comfortable with this kind of intensity, and we must do that first before we are ready to meet others with whom we can share these privileges of mutual unfoldment. How can we expect to handle what we really want in terms of our romantic partners, until we can handle the depth and intensity of ourselves? Only having done this first, have my dreams become apparent. We cannot find the match of ourselves until we know what we ourselves are, and that is a metaphysical concept that applies in the most basic of ways in our daily lives down to the tiniest detail. By coming home to ourselves, we find the natural extension of our home within our world.

There are many things that evolved relationship can do for us, and one of them is to show us wounds within ourselves that we would otherwise never realise are there. It takes somebody to look that deeply into us to unearth all of the little quirks and kinks in the corners that we may have missed by ourselves, and I genuinely feel that we cannot go this process alone. Regarding healing, often people get annoyed when I “go on about” the issues of childhood abuse and sexual trauma, but I’m not going to let up on it until there is not a single person left on the planet who feels unheard with regards to something that been a reality for so long. The problem is not over, and the healing is far from over either when we are only beginning to understand the
potential that this kind of relationship brings.

Just as racism is still a problem, the fact that the tide is turning is not a call for those who have been affected by it and are still hurting just to pretend it didn’t happen. There is work yet to be
done. I don’t want to make this a post about that, but I do want to highlight that it is through loving relationships based in oneness that we can heal all of these things and more. From the starting point of knowing our oneness, we can draw all of life in every single area into the living expression of that reality with us.

Relationship is such an important tool for us to navigate the peaceful reality that we are entering into, but we need to know how to navigate our relationships masterfully. It is not enough to wound others due to our lack of awareness and then to withdraw our attention because we can’t handle the mess we have created or can’t seem to get along. Relationships are our holy temples of initiation and we need to treat them accordingly in order to be able to access the divinity that is inherent in our partners through life’s myriad of experiences be they lovers, mothers, sisters, brothers, colleagues, clients or friends.

The understanding of this is fundamental to the peaceful navigation of our future, and this will form a primary focus for me for at least the foreseeable period going forward.

Through relationship in oneness we have the potential to explore the reality completely transcending dualistic experience, where there are not two but one, standing side by side. The power of love blesses us, but often love is not what we think it to be. Often what we think of as love is just attachment, or dysfunction that tells us we cannot be whole without another and seeking parts of our own being in the illusion of external mirrors. I will speak a great deal more about this later, but for now let us say that in order to find the ones our hearts so thoroughly yearn to be with, we must first find within us the keys that are needed to pivot the curve of our own destiny in the direction of our highest vision. Only then will life deliver.

Take a look around, how many sacred relationships do we already have before us?

A Very Personal Entry

Last night I had one of the most profound healing experiences of my life.

With conscious intention throughout a sleepless night, that eventually drifted into feverish and highly disturbed half-sleep, I managed to isolate the core memory of my childhood that has been at the root of all dysfunction in my adult relationships and professional career.

It was the memory of having been cornered in my own bedroom by a man who climbed in my unlocked suburbian ground floor window during the night, and being so choked with fear that despite my best efforts I was unable to scream for help. I could feel family in another room but realised in a moment of utter helplessness that they weren’t coming for me, and that nobody could protect me from what I now knew to be an extremely dangerous world. This was when I was 4 years old.

This one incident developed into an utter terror of “being exposed” to the world without “protection”, that caused me to seek out relationships with dysfunctional men who would want to “take care of me” and thereby keep other men away. I desperately wanted somebody to claim me, so that no one else could. The reasoning of my psyche was that if somebody representing a fatherly role was there by my side, I would be safe.

This incident has single handedly prevented me from actually standing up to be counted as a spiritual teacher, for fear that if I was suddenly visible to the world “something might get me”. Of course this fear has been buried so deep that I couldn’t find it, despite knowing that it was there. It has taken me almost 3 years of conscious direction towards the healing of specifically this to finally get it.

There are several things that I want to say about it.

First of all, it has been obvious to me for some time that light and dark are two sides of the same coin. This man and all others like him are simply a part of my own being, and the reason that this occured is because of the old cosmic law that opposites attract. This law no longer applies. Since the cosmic pole shift in 2007, like attracts like, and so we can be absolutely certain that all of the love and support we need is right on our laps should we choose to open up to it.

However, despite knowing the obvious, without actually confronting the root fear it was impossible to overcome it. I have been aiming towards this for years, but it is only now that I actually have the strength to have been able to relive it as I did last night without reacting with fear. Instead, I responded to the experience with total faith in the Infinite and the plan for my life. Finally, I was able in motion to generate gratitude for this experience and the hidden gift it has brought, while simultaneously perceiving the whole thing again from an objective perspective.

The recapitulation of my childhood is complete – I can now move ahead without fear and having overcome all obstacles. Infinite possibility awaits.

True Intimacy

Here is a very personal one from me.

I have stuggled all my life with the limiting confines of personal relationships, not because of my personal issues, but because the concept of relating is not expansive enough to encompass me and all of my gifts. We try to fit ourselves into boxes that the world creates for us, and when there is no room to breathe, then we believe what others tell us about how it is all our fault. There has never before been a celebratory attitude towards the diversity of individual expression within unified experience, but all of that is changing and there has never been a better time to get to know and celebrate ourselves.

Among my unique gifts is razorlike perception, “hawk vision” as it was dubbed throughout my childhood. There is no detail that passes my eye, and that has always been the case. I pick up on everything, including all of the programmes that others don’t even know they’re running, and that most are unwilling to see. We believe that once we’ve removed some of the basic surface programming that everyone with a reasonable degree of conscious awareness now knows of that we’re suddenly done, but everything until we reach the very core of our being is a programme of the matrix. I frequently encounter people who believe they have awakened or have become free from the matrix because they know about the conspiracies of the government or have knowledge of healthy living, but how many know that even the belief in creation as something real is a programme? How many have explored the depths of their childhood experience and rooted out the bugs that every cartoon, every Disney movie, every Barbie doll and bedtime story put in there? How many know that the lullabies they heard as babies programmed them with fear of death? All of these things and more that I see clear as day are unbearable to me.

For somebody to tell me that my instinct is nothing, is the greatest insult. Because of that it’s impossible for me to have close relationships with anyone who doesn’t trust in my intrinsic nature and is willing to learn, because to put myself in that position is to insult the divine within. When we say we want to live in Oneness, how can we justify clinging with such ferocity to duality? The truth is, nobody wants to admit the uncomfortable truth that they’ve been programmed. Sooner or later, we’re going to have to drop the guard and do this together.

For me now, to spot the programmes and throw off the shackles that bind me is the joy of joys. Nothing can compare to the rush of freedom that is experienced with every step further out of the matrix of opposites. But even that is illusory, what is freedom when there is nothing for it to be an opposite of? True freedom cannot be the opposite of imprisonment, and so even still there is something beyond the scope of “freedom” as we know it that cannot possibly be described in words. Anything at all that can be given a definition is not real. And here is where the problem kicks in for most.

As soon as it gets even the slighest hint that its end is nigh, the mind will fight tooth and nail to hold on to anything, no matter how illogical, as long as it gives it some kind of rooting in reason. What is madness but the insane delusions of the rational mind, that clutches frantically at thin air for fear of losing itself? Almost always when I push on that point of no return, someone will throw me a line about how they’re “not fighting me”, as if I’m the one who’s waging war. What they’re seeing is the raging fight with their own mind. It is a strange paradox that outside of the mirrors you become the mirror of all that is yet unseen in a person about their own illusions. Only if our quest is authentically to leave the hall of mirrors behind completely does this cease to be the case. 

My greatest wish is that we can rise together into the heady heights of inseparable Infinite love, but to do that requires that we embrace a new era of intimacy in the truest sense of the word. True intimacy is an open-hearted and trusting embrace of the world and everything in it, knowing life to be only benevolent and ever constant in its unconditional gifting of opportunities to open ourselves to a higher way. We will never know what form these will present themselves in, unless we are keen to listen with the ears of the heart. Only when we fearlessly share ourselves from within will we begin to know what real love is. It burns like an unquenchable fire, not raging but calm and steady, the light of the heart. And it will never go out once we make that daily choice to tend it, no matter what.